


Meteoric Turbulence

by rezi (orphan_account)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Ashen Romance | Auspistice, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Multi, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-14
Updated: 2013-05-06
Packaged: 2017-11-29 05:43:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 24,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/683499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/rezi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's over two and a half years into the meteor's journey, and things are far from simple for its inhabitants. Conflict is rife, catastrophe is inevitable and cabin fever is getting to them all.</p><p>---</p><p>An ongoing fic depicting life aboard the meteor, taking place from what would be the first to the fourth of December, 2011.</p><p>Primarily a sort of gap-fill fic to see how things change so much during the third year of their journey. Though it may be diverging very slightly from canon as of Act 6 Intermission 5, elements of the ongoing story will end up being used in this.<br/>(John and Jade are in the character list due to their appearances via pesterlog.)<br/>(Story now with added dancestors! Though most of them -- barring Porrim -- play only minor roles, so will not be added to the character list.)</p><p>---<br/>NOTES: Yes, I've orphaned it. I've pretty much given up on this now, I'm rather disillusioned with it and see no point in continuing.<br/>If you really want it to continue, contact me (rezi)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 23:59, November 30: Rose Lalonde

Rose’s eyes scan the pages eagerly. The green, looping handwriting which Kanaya’s translations are written in tells grand tales of love and loss; of torrid vacillations that threaten to destabilize the whole of highblood society unless an auspistice is found. And quickly.

Yes, it may be a trashy romance novel to trolls. But Rose, to whom all the clichés are brand new concepts, is lapping it up like an excited romance-loving puppy.

Besides, she’ll do anything for a bit of escapism these days.

Hearing a noise, she quickly hides the book in her secret cupboard, along with all the others she’s managed to pilfer on the journey. She listens. But nothing else follows; probably just a certain clown up to his usual disturbing tricks. Or the ‘Mayor’, who hasn’t slept peacefully for weeks now.

Probably nothing, though.

Glaring red numbers on the clock beside her change from 23:59 to 00:00 — as the text underneath informs her, it is now the Earth equivalent of December 1, 2011.

Time to change the calendar over, then. Another month completed on this godforsaken rock.

From November to December the page turns, and Rose notices a few days in the first week coloured in. Her particular shade of purple for December 4 -- her birthday -- with December 3 in Dave's red. But first and foremost: December 1 is shaded green. Jade green.

Lifting herself from bed, she sits herself down in front of her laptop to pay her annual dues.

TT: You’re probably not awake right now. Or are you? All sense of time in this paradoxical realm has long since deserted me.  
TT: Awake or not, I just thought I’d be the first to pay their respects to you on this day.  
TT: Assuming, this is, that it still is your birthday, or that you have even reached that point yet in your part of paradox space.  
TT: Time. It’s baffling. Perhaps Dave can shed some light on the matter for me later.  
TT: Anyway, disregard my ramblings: back to the point at hand.  
TT: From your lack of response, I gather that you are yet to wake, or else otherwise occupied.  
TT: Whatever the case may be, I’ll leave this message for when you are more able to reply.  
TT: Happy birthday, Jade. The first of us to turn sixteen. I doubt that, when we first talked, either of us were expecting it to happen in these circumstances. But the world is far from predictable, as we both know all too well.  
TT: I’ll put the eloquence to one side for the moment to state simple fact.  
TT: I really could not ask for a friend better than you.  
TT: Have a great birthday, with John and his nanna and Dave 2.0: Featherbrain Edition.  
TT: Undoubtably the original version of the latter will be wishing you the same later.  
TT: Thanks for your constant presence all these years, and let’s hope the few months left before we meet don’t pass too slowly.  
TT: Have a good one on me, Jade, and farewell.

She makes her way back over to her bed; away from the glare of the screen, she's suddenly aware of how tired she is. She's been hard at work with Kanaya all day, on an exhausting and, eventually, fruitless task. Time for sleep, then.

Before she can do so, though, the noise comes through again. This time, it is clearer: a definite ‘honk’. Gamzee’s around, it seems, though it doesn’t sound like he’s doing any harm.

For the moment, though, she decides to leave him be. While she may have dealings with that man ongoing, she also has tiredness beyond measure that would only hinder her progress with him. And she values her rest.

However, there is one more distraction to interrupt her first. The laptop screen lights up again: a message received.

GG: thanks rose! :D

That brings a smile to her face.

Finally lowering her head to the pillow, Rose Lalonde goes to sleep. She just has time for one final thought: which dead people will she meet today...?


	2. 23:59, November 30: Karkat Vantas

Karkat Vantas is in a bad mood. Which that seems to be the only sort of mood he has these days.

What doesn’t help, though, is his past self being such an ignorant asshole to his current self. Stubborn, as well. He wishes that he could just zap off into the past and stop himself from doing this. Like Strider can. Ugh, doesn’t _he_ get all the luck these days. Makes him sick!

There really is nothing for him not to detest about that guy. Smug jerkass. He can never quite read what emotion he’s hiding behind those goofily oversized shades, but that’s fine. He can see right through him anyway. Putting on that ‘cool’ and ‘ironic’ act in a vain attempt to cover up the repulsive creature he really is. Snatching Terezi from him and insisting on swaggering about with her in faux-besotted tow everywhere he goes. Head so far up his own nook, he’s surprised he hasn’t turn into some sort of… walking nook-man.

Yeah. That Strider. He can read him like a book.

His past self, on the other hand? He can’t even begin to understand what’s going through that fuckass’s head! Even when it’s his own head from literally a few minutes ago!

Treading on a horn by accident, Karkat yells out a curse. Those things are everywhere! Freaking him out every couple of steps. He bets Gamzee does it on purpose, just to scare people. He wouldn't put it past that --

Oh fuck, past self again.

PCG: ARE YOU EVEN STILL THERE, ASSHOLE?  
CCG: UNFORTUNATELY, YES!  
CCG: IT WOULD LITERALLY BE BETTER THAN TWELTH PERIGEE’S EVE IF I COULD BLOCK YOU NOW AND NEVER HAVE TO TALK TO YOU EVER AGAIN.  
CCG: BUT SADLY I REMEMBER BEING DOWNRIGHT MORONIC TO ME FOR A FEW MORE MINUTES. ISN’T THAT JUST PEACHY.  
CCG: OH LOOK, IT’S MIDNIGHT NOW.  
CCG: I HAVE LITERALLY HAD TO DEAL WITH YOU OVER THE SPAN OF TWO DAYS.  
CCG: WHAT DID I EVER DO TO DESERVE THIS?  
PCG: IT’S WHAT YOU DIDN’T DO THAT’S THE QUESTION.  
PCG: LIKE NOW, YOU ARE SERIOUSLY ASKING ME TO TURN BACK AND LEAVE MY OWN MOIRAIL ALL ALONE IN THE DARK DOWN HERE!  
PCG: THE POOR GUY NEEDS HELP! AND I AM ALL TOO WILLING TO GIVE IT, WHILE YOU'RE BUSY YELLING AT ME TO FUCK OFF AND FORGET ABOUT HIM!  
PCG: IF THAT’S NOT SELFISH, I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS.  
CCG: ARE YOU SERIOUSLY USING THAT ARGUMENT AGAIN? I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE CLEAR BY NOW THAT THAT IS A STEAMING PILE OF HORSESHIT!  
CCG: HE’S LUCKY ENOUGH TO BE ALIVE, WITH WHAT HE’S DONE. LET ALONE TO EVEN HAVE SOMEONE IN THE PALE QUADRANT IN THE FIRST PLACE.  
CCG: YOU DON’T HAVE TO GO SHOOSHPAPPING HIM EVERY TWO MINUTES.  
CCG: BESIDES, YOU KNOW AS WELL AS I DO THAT YOU GOING TO HIM FOR PURELY SELFLESS REASONS IS A FUCKING LIE.  
CCG: YOU’RE THE ONE NEEDING HIS HELP.  
CCG: AND YOU’VE RESORTED TO THE KILLER CLOWN FOR HELP BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE CAN STAND THE SIGHT OF YOU!  
PCG: BULLSHIT! ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT! KANAYA’S ONLY NOT TALKING TO ME BECAUSE SHE’S BUSY!  
CCG: OH REALLY? JUST FACE THE TRUTH ALREADY. SHE’S SICK TO DEATH OF YOUR CONSTANT WHINGING. PERHAPS EVEN MORE THAN I AM, IF THAT’S POSSIBLE.  
CCG: AND TO BE HONEST? I CAN’T BLAME HER!  
CCG: LOOK AT YOU! TYPING IN RED LIKE THAT FUCKASS STRIDER.  
CCG: THAT JUST REEKS OF JEALOUSY.  
PCG: WHY WOULD I EVER BE JEALOUS OF THAT ASSHOLE?  
PCG: EVEN IF I AM, IT’S NOT AS IF YOU’D BE OVER IT BY NOW.  
CCG: OW, FUCK! I JUST TRIPPED OVER A HORN.  
PCG: OH. NICELY DONE. WAY TO SHIFT THE SUBJECT AWAY FROM SOMETHING YOU CAN’T DENY, NOOKSUCKER.  
CCG: JUST...  
CCG: FUCK YOU.  
CCG: FUCK.  
CCG: YOU.  
PCG: I’VE REACHED GAMZEE’S LITTLE HIDEOUT NOW. I REALLY HOPE THIS IS THE PART WHERE YOU SHUT UP.  
CCG: YES. AT LONG LAST.  
PCG: SO WILL YOU LEAVE ME ALONE NOW? AND LET ME TALK TO MY MOIRAIL IN PEACE?  
CCG: JUST WARNING YOU. HE GOES ABSOLUTELY SHITHIVE MAGGOTS ON YOU.  
PCG: I FIGURED THAT IF IT TURNS ME INTO YOU, IT'S GOT TO BE BAD.  
CCG: YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW HAPPY I AM I'M NOT YOU ANY MORE.  
CCG: I'M LITERALLY SKIPPING GLEEFULLY THROUGH A SUGAR-COATED FIELD OF HAPPY FLOWERS HERE.  
CCG: SO. FUCKING. HAPPY.  
CCG banned himself from responding to memo.

Head swimming with self-loathing, Karkat continues trudging through the shadowy corridors back to his room. That is, until he remembers something far more important than sleep.

He's overheard a few days ago about how Jade's 'birthday' was coming up. Over a sweep with the humans has taught him that 'birthday' equates to 'wriggling day', and he can't _not_ wish her a happy one. With all she's done, it's practically his duty to thank her in some way.

Sitting himself down in a convenient pile of horns, he gets his recently-alchemized cell phone back out to do just that.

CG: HEY, JADE.  
CG: I'VE HEARD THAT IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY TODAY? SORRY IF IT ISN'T, BUT I JUST WANTED TO SAY THIS TO YOU AT SOME POINT. WHAT BETTER TIME THAN NOW?  
CG: JUST...   
CG: THANK YOU.  
CG: I KNOW I ACT LIKE A SACK OF SHAME GLOBES TO YOU MOST OF THE TIME.  
CG: I REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW YOU PUT UP WITH ME. I CERTAINLY CAN'T PUT UP WITH ME.  
CG: BUT SOMEHOW, YOU DO. AND THANKS SO MUCH FOR THAT.  
CG: YOU'VE HELPED ME GET THROUGH A LOT IN THIS MAD PLACE.  
CG: THE FEW TIMES WE GET TO TALK TO EACH OTHER, WHEN PARADOX SPACE ISN'T FUCKING THINGS UP.  
CG: HEY, HOW COME YOU'RE NOT RESPONDING? FUCK, I HOPE I'M NOT EMBARRASSING YOU.  
CG: OH YEAH. FURTHEST RING, PARADOX SPACE, TEMPORAL MECHANICS, WHATEVER. PROBABLY SOME WEIRD TIME SHIT GOING ON AND MAKING THIS ARRIVE AT THE LEAST CONVENIENT TIME FOR YOU. I FUCKING HATE TIME.  
CG: ANYWAY. WHEN YOU DO GET THIS, COULD WE TALK OR SOMETHING? I KINDA NEED IT RIGHT NOW.  
CG: YOU DON'T HAVE TO, NOT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO. IT'S FINE.  
CG: BUT I COULD DO WITH ONE OF THOSE TALKS.  
CG: OKAY. SEEING AS YOU'RE NOT HERE, I'M JUST GOING TO GO NOW.  
CG: BYE.  


Karkat sits there a while longer, scrolling through some of their earlier conversations. He can't help but smile. Maybe one person putting up with him is enough. And if it's someone like her, he couldn't ask for more.

Remembering cheers him up, but all the mooching around these dark corridors has tired him out. It's not long before he falls asleep in the horn pile, just as a message pops up on his phone:

GG: hey karkat! thanks for the message! :D  
GG: but are you okay?

The fatigue blinds him from noticing, as he drifts into sleep. Another conversation missed. Another regret once he wakes up.

But that won't happen for a while. As of the moment, Karkat's busy -- mostly avoiding his dancestor in the dream bubbles.

Someone else is busy, too. In a very different way.


	3. 00:00, December 1: Terezi Pyrope

After looking round the corner to check Karkat is a safe distance away, Terezi emerges from the shadows. Outside the shade, the full odorous concoction hits her like a punch in the face, and she reels slightly. No matter how long this secret dalliance lasts, she’s never getting used to that smell.

It doesn't faze her much, though. She can breathe through her mouth to negate most of the sensory overload: one of the few advantages of having healed eyes. 

There’s one scent that still lingers, though, strong enough for her to taste: the acrid purple stench of blackberries. No, worse: rotting blackberries, festering away in front of her. She knows that smell, and she finds its source just as sickening.

Keeping her voiced hushed for safety’s sake, she speaks to him:

TEREZI: YOU SC4R3D YOUR MO1R41L 4W4Y QU1CKLY  
GAMZEE: i had to. couldn’t let him stay too long, or he’d see you hiding there.  
GAMZEE: AND IF HE KNEW, HE’D PROBABLY MOTHERFUCKING KILL ME.  
GAMZEE: and maybe you as well. :o(  
TEREZI: H3 WOULDN’T K1LL M3 1 TH1NK   
TEREZI: 1 C4N S33 H3S ST1LL GOT F33L1NGS FOR M3  
TEREZI: 3V3N 1F 1 CANT R3TURN TH3M  
GAMZEE: AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MAKES YOU?  
GAMZEE: a mother fucking bitch.  
GAMZEE: YOU KNOW HOW HE MUST MOTHERFUCKING FEEL.  
GAMZEE: and you don’t even give him a second glance.  
GAMZEE: CALLOUS MOTHER FUCKING BITCH.  
GAMZEE: your teal blood must be icy.  
TEREZI: 1T’S TH1S CLOSE TO BO1L1NG OV3R R1GHT NOW  
TEREZI: 1 H34RD WH4T YOU S41D TO H1M!  
GAMZEE: I CAN SAY WHATEVER THE MOTHER FUCK I WANT TO HIM.  
GAMZEE: and all of it it was motherfucking true.  
GAMZEE: ALL HE NEEDS TO DO IS TO PUT A FEW MOTHERFUCKING SICKLES TO A FEW MOTHERFUCKING NECKS.  
GAMZEE: and all his problems will be solved. :o)  
TEREZI: YOU TOLD H1M TO K1LL 3V3RYON3 WHOS 3V3R DON3 H1M WRONG!  
TEREZI: W3 BOTH KNOW H3 COULD N3V3R DO TH4T  
TEREZI: B3C4US3 UNL1K3 YOU H3 ST1LL H4S SOME SHR3D OF GOODN3SS 1N H1M!  
TEREZI: WH1L3 YOUR3 ROTT3N R1GHT THROUGH TO YOUR PUTRID PURPL3 B3RRY BLOOD  
GAMZEE: THAT’S MOTHER FUCKING RIGHT.  
GAMZEE: and i like it this way.  
GAMZEE: NOW LET’S GET BACK TO WORK.  
GAMZEE: finish what we started.

She strikes first. But he was prepared, and is fast to block: the clubs block her cane before it has the chance to make contact. He retaliates: quickly lashing out with his foot. She dodges; he trips. Gamzee falls flat on his back, at the mercy of his kismesis.

TEREZI: H4H4H4!  
TEREZI: TH4T W4S P4TH3T1C!  
TEREZI: H4V3NT GOT MUCH OF 4 F1GHT 1N YOU TOD4Y  
TEREZI: W34KL1NG!  


As she gloats in her temporary victory, he snatches the opportunity to topple her over and knock her down there with him. One jab at the knees is all it takes for her to fall.

He doesn't make the mistake she did. Instead, he pins her down to the ground, whipping off her glasses and pressing their faces together. He bares every one of his rainbow-stained teeth. Mustering up all the strength that hasn't been knocked out of her, she tries to keep up a strong façade; the twisted insanity staring into her is intensely more frightening when she can see it for real.

GAMZEE: WHO'S THE MOTHER FUCKING WEAKLING NOW?  
TEREZI: YOU CH34T3D!  
GAMZEE: were you expecting anything less from me?  
GAMZEE: I'M MOTHERFUCKING DISAPPOINTED.  
GAMZEE: you must be losing your touch.  
TEREZI: SHUT UP 4ND SNOG M3 1F TH4TS WH4T YOU W4NT  
TEREZI: V1L3 B4ST4RD >:o[  


Hands clutching her horns, he pulls her into an aggressive kiss. Then he goes from the horns to the shirt, tearing the neckline apart with sharpened fingernails to reveal grey flesh --

GAMZEE: THERE'S SOMEONE COMING.  


Surely enough, one of the many horns that Gamzee left lying about has alerted them to the presence of an intruder a few corridors away. They scramble to their feet; as soon as Terezi is up again, Gamzee has slipped away. 

Time for her to go, then. Back to Dave, as if nothing had happened.

Common sense tells her she shouldn't feel guilty about this. Having both a matesprit and a kismesis is a perfectly natural -- nay, obligatory -- thing for a troll to do. The simple truth of the matter is that she knows that humans generally only have one partner. That Dave thinks he's the only one she's got, as well as vice-versa. Meanwhile, she's sneaking away every other night to pursue her courtship with the man who made his nightmares.

But, these days, her feelings have been increasingly -- worryingly so, for a Mind player -- overpowering common sense. She just can't help but feel she's doing him an injustice.

There are ways of expending her guilt. That's the purpose of a kismesis, after all: to serve as a vent for negative emotions. Yet when her kismesis is the one causing the guilt, it proves to be nothing but a vicious circle. These days, he's getting harder and harder to counter effectively; all he does is bring her down more and more. The insults, formerly just blackrom banter, started hitting home a while ago. Now they sink deep into the flesh.

Too many problems, too much time to think about them. She truly cannot wait until this slog of a journey is over and they're back in the thick of the action again. You don't even have the opportunity to dwell on these things when there's a battle raging on around you.

Pulling her cosplay over her eyes, she traces her way along the darkened hallway while brushing any rogue horns away with her cane. She's navigating by her senses other than sight: nostalgia for the days before her mistake. Anyway, she knows her way back instinctively after so many 'midnight walks' to Gamzee's various hiding places, hence she's on autopilot somewhat.

She doesn't even notice Dave until she almost bumps into him.


	4. 00:00, December 1: Wayward Vagabond

The Dersite wakes, shivering with fright.

He tries his best to avoid sleeping these days, but he has to at some point. When he does, the nightmares are unavoidable and increasing in frequency.

He can't quite remember this one; it probably wasn't too different from the usual, though. It's always something to do with Can Town. Except, when he's dreaming, the cans are real living people who look up to him and would defend him to the death. And defending him to the death is exactly what they're doing.

Whimpering, the Vagabond draws the blanket closer around him. He'd be able to cope with the nightmares if they were nothing but nightmares.

Yet some nagging part of his psyche keeps insisting that they're real. And he's terrified.

The stairs creak slightly; someone's joining him. He sits up in bed ready to greet them, hoping it's not the tiny-horned shouty one or the crazy clown he's heard of, though never actually seen.

It's neither, thankfully. It's Dave.

DAVE: hey there mayor man  
DAVE: you ok down here?

He peers down at the screen which the Dersite uses to type out his communications, currently displaying the words:

DAVE. HELP ME.

Alarmed by the device suddenly rendering his text in capital letters, he flounders around for the caps lock button and quickly taps out an apology.

i'm being rude again. apologies.  
sir dave, i request your assistance.  
DAVE: hey you dont gotta go all formal on me  
DAVE: were friends right  
okay. thank you friend.  
DAVE: so whats this assistance for  
DAVE: bad dreams again?  
DAVE: came down to check on you cos you were kinda  
DAVE: screaming?  
DAVE: cant really tell with the way your voice sounds but you didnt sound too happy  
yes. i am sorry if i woke you.  
DAVE: hey its no problem  
DAVE: you actually woke me from a bad dream of my own  
DAVE: so thanks  
okay.  
DAVE: about these bad dreams then  
DAVE: you wanna talk or...  
DAVE: ?  
yes, thank you.  
though i must confess i cannot remember much of the dream.  
DAVE: thats good though  
DAVE: you wont have it haunting you all day now  
DAVE: hey we could go talk to kanaya or something  
DAVE: shes always good at helping  
kanaya is the fancy lady troll who dresses in tasty green, yes?  
DAVE: man what is it with you and green  
DAVE: almost as bad as tz and red  
DAVE: but yeah you got her  
DAVE: wait no  
DAVE: shes pulling another all-nighter on the matriorb isnt she  
DAVE: doesnt like interruption  
DAVE: dammit  
that is okay.  
DAVE: so uh  
DAVE: how about a walk?  
DAVE: and we can talk then  
DAVE: ill even let you nibble on one of the green chalks tz isnt using  
DAVE: but ssh about that bit  
thank you mister dave! this sounds to be an excellent plan!  
DAVE: cool  
DAVE: k then lil buddy  
DAVE: where doin it man  
DAVE: where making this hapen  


On their way out, Dave grabs a green chalk and passes it to the carapace, who gnaws on it thankfully.

Neither Dave nor the Vagabond knows the layout of the meteor too well: the former never venturing further than he needs to go, the latter knowing little more than the distance between Can Town and the food hall. The walk brings both of them into uncharted territory -- or, as Dave soon deduces, Gamzee's territory.

DAVE: man  
DAVE: all these horns  
DAVE: why does killer juggalo troll even need all these horns  
DAVE: what does he actually do with the things  
DAVE: and why do trolls find piles of them so comfy  
i must admit to also being baffled by these habits.  
DAVE: ow fuck i almost tripped on one of them  
DAVE: anyway  
DAVE: forget the weird troll shit  
DAVE: you feeling better?  
somewhat.

They stop in the middle of the corridor, so Dave can watch the description of the Mayor's dream being typed onto his screen, letter by letter.

most details of the dream still elude me.  
though i do recall some.  
there was little variance from the norm.  
the soldiers of can town as people.  
black shiny ones like me and white ones as well.  
some dark force was killing them.  
they screamed out at me for help.  
but there was little i could do other than watch them die.  
DAVE: damn  
DAVE: but hey  
DAVE: take it from me  
DAVE: the loyal citizens of can town are safer than a vault in the wall with twenty padlocks and one of those cool number dial things  
DAVE: aint nobody killing them with a legislaterator league like we got  
DAVE: plus whatever dark force saunters in is probably gonna be distracted by my shitty comics first  
DAVE: be too mind-numbed by overwhelming stupidity that it loses the will to fight  
DAVE: hypnotized by the overcoming irony of it all  
DAVE: thats an idea  
DAVE: sbahj as a city defense mechanism  
DAVE: can i get a hell fucking yes  
thank you for your reassurance sir dave.  
but i cannot help but feel it was real.  
DAVE: yeah  
DAVE: dream bubbles  
DAVE: idk if your species even gets those things???  
DAVE: but yeah  
DAVE: they do crazy shit to your head and reality  
DAVE: dont even try to understand the things man  
DAVE: never a good idea  
DAVE: whoa!  
DAVE: tz?  


Terezi jolts out of her walking slumber, a few inches short of crashing straight into Dave.

TEREZI: OH SORRY!  
TEREZI: 1 W4SNT P4Y1NG 4TT3NT1ON  
TEREZI: H3Y!  
DAVE: you okay?  
DAVE: you look a little spaced out and kinda sad  
DAVE: and howd your shirt get all ripped up like that  
TEREZI: M1DN1GHT W4LKS N3V3R 3ND W3LL  
TEREZI: 4ND 1T ST1NKS SO MUCH DOWN H3R3 TH4T MY NOS3 G3TS CONFUS3D  
TEREZI: 3ND UP W4LK1NG 1NTO W4LLS 4LL OV3R TH3 PL4C3  
DAVE: ill help you get home then  
DAVE: was just taking the mayor for a walk  
DAVE: cos his nightmare thing happened again  
DAVE: you better now?  
i have recovered sufficiently.  
DAVE: cool  
DAVE: what is it with you and your midnight walks  
TEREZI: 1 H4V3 TO STR3TCH MY L3GS SOM3 T1M3  
DAVE: cant have legs like that going unused  
TEREZI: 1S TH4T MY CH4LK?  
very sorry madam.  
DAVE: yeah he just wanted a little nibble  
DAVE: calms his nerves  
DAVE: you okay with that?  
TEREZI: W3LL  
TEREZI: 1F YOU N33D 1T YOU C4N K33P 1T  
thank you kindly miss terezi!  
DAVE: lets go then  
DAVE: shit  
DAVE: these horns man  
DAVE: forget can town  
DAVE: were stumbling round the deepest darkest depths of horn metropolis  
DAVE: of which juggalo troll is king  
DO NOT SPEAK OF KINGS.  
DAVE: hear hear  
DAVE: i doth verily concur  
DAVE: fucking juggalo  
TEREZI: Y34H...  


Navigating a perilous path through the metropolis, the three make their way back to civilisation.


	5. 07:41, December 1: Kanaya Maryam

The door to Rose's room creaks; Kanaya jumps slightly. That noise never comes when she expects it to -- and, on closer inspection, it seems it's just woken Rose up. Her cheeks blush a slight green.

KANAYA: I Do Hope Im Not Disturbing You In Any Way  
ROSE: No, no problem. I'd woken a few minutes ago. I think my revulsion for that Ampora troll is enough to wrench me out of a dream bubble on its own.  
KANAYA: I Share The Exact Same Sentiment  
KANAYA: Though I Am Unaware Of Which Ampora You Are Referring To  
KANAYA: They Both Effortlessly Facilitate Despising  
ROSE: There's no question of that.  
ROSE: The only question is: how are we to avoid them every sleeping moment?  
ROSE: They have an uncanny ability to appear right beside you, snaring you with a revolting pickup line before you even notice them.  
KANAYA: Almost As Egregious As The Ramblier Vantas And His Pinpoint Accurate Powers Of Detecting The Slightest Slur  
KANAYA: Taking Upon Himself The Sacred Duty Of Lecturing The Vocabularily Volatile  
KANAYA: I Heard Multiple Beforans Would Rather Die Again Than Endure One More Of His Hypocritical Sermons  
KANAYA: I Held These Opinions In Disbelief At First  
KANAYA: Then I Experienced One  
ROSE: I see you've had to suffer the Insufferable as well, then? My condolences.  
ROSE: He does remind me of _our_ Vantas in a way. Except ours is yet to venture beyond romcoms and general shoutiness.  
ROSE: If ever there was a reason to keep Karkat away from the sociology textbooks, this is it.  
ROSE: As of now, just avoid insulting Dane Cook and all will be well.  
ROSE: How I wish we could set up a quarantine bubble for their Vantas and those festeringly flirtatious fish trolls.  
KANAYA: Oh But We Must Be Allowed To Spectate From A Safe Distance  
KANAYA: They Would Perplex Each Other In Ways They Would Not Have Known To Be Possible  
KANAYA: I Imagine It Would Be Quite The Spectacle  
ROSE: They're polar opposites. They're bound to get along like a house on fire.  
ROSE: Essentially, full of flames and almost inevitably ending up in a charred wreck.  
ROSE: Yes, that would indeed be an unmissable show.  


As the Flighty Broads and their Snarky Horseshitometer spins burning into oblivion, Kanaya remembers the purpose of this rendezvous.

KANAYA: Enough Of The Gossip For Now  
KANAYA: Though I Cannot Say I Dont Enjoy It  
KANAYA: During One Of My Idler Moments I Translated A Few More Chapters Of The Blue Blood Descent For Your Reading Pleasure  
KANAYA: And Of Course Brewed You More Of Your Beverages  
KANAYA: With Additional Modifications Provided By The Alchemiter To Suit Your Taste Perfectly  
ROSE: Oh, you're too kind. You spoil me rotten.  
ROSE: I've only had a few sips of my morning drink, just enough to make me chipper. This should do nicely to complete it.  
KANAYA: Dearest Rose It Is My Pleasure  
KANAYA: Now If Youll Excuse Me I Have Another Matter To Attend To  
KANAYA: Specifically My Recuperation After Another Fruitless Night  
ROSE: I'm sorry to hear you still haven't found a solution.  
ROSE: I'd love to help, but genetics aren't exactly my forte.  
ROSE: Our session journal was much easier for me to work on, though that's out of the picture now we've completed it.  
ROSE: Perhaps a revision would be in order...?  
KANAYA: For Your Sake I Would Gladly Authorize One  
KANAYA: Unfortunately It Would Necessitate Us Spending All Our Time Together To Complete It Before Our Journeys End  
KANAYA: How Terribly Tragic For The Both Of Us  
ROSE: Oh yes, that would be awful!  
ROSE: In which case, you must get that revision authorized post haste.  
ROSE: ;)  
KANAYA: Of Course Miss Lalonde  
KANAYA: Unless You Have Anything Else To Say Ill Have To Be On My Way  
KANAYA: I May Just Faint With Exhaustion  
ROSE: Here, put those down somewhere. I'll accompany you back to your room.  
KANAYA: Thank You  


The troll places her cargo on a nearby dresser; the human rises from bed and neatens her orange robes. Together, arm in arm, they set off for Kanaya's room.

ROSE: I'm afraid I can't stay with you, though. I have to go clubbing, if you know what I mean.  
ROSE: The pair of spades on deck need to be dealt with.  
KANAYA: Those Two Again  
KANAYA: That Foolish Relationship Will Never Fail To Cause Me Misery  
KANAYA: And You Too Of Course  
KANAYA: But If You Find Yourself Driven To Help  
KANAYA: Then So Be It  
KANAYA: As An Experienced Auspistice I Know Those Pangs Are Hard To Leave Unpacified  
ROSE: Things do seem to be taking a downwards turn, I'm afraid. From my point of view, that is.  
ROSE: From theirs, their hatred burns more fiercely than ever.  
ROSE: Hopefully I can provide the means of extinguishing this before the fire begins to spread.  
ROSE: Even if my memories of these sessions get hazier each time.  
KANAYA: I Wish You Luck  
KANAYA: Hopefully You Can Fix This And Be Done With It  
KANAYA: I Can See Its Bothering You  
ROSE: I can manage this. It'll be over with eventually.  
ROSE: Afterwards, I'll be needing some _space_.  
ROSE: If you know what I mean ;)  
KANAYA: While I Will Be Requiring Someone To _Light_ My Way  
KANAYA: Notice My Identical Wink To Convey Identical Meaning  
ROSE: Oh, I noticed!  
ROSE: And I can promise you'll have your fair share of light once this business is dealt with.  
KANAYA: While I Intend To Give You All The Space I Can  
KANAYA: Here  
KANAYA: A Slight Taster Of Things To Come  


Arms wrapped around Rose's waist, Kanaya gives her a kiss. It's far more confident than their first, now that they both know their relationship will last. When it ends, the Virgo says her farewells fondly and makes her way into her room. Here, she settles slowly into her recuperacoon and thinks over the conversation in the comfort of the sopor slime.

One particular detail persists in bugging her: Rose's mention of her memory loss. The slime, though soothing, cannot suppress the guilt of knowing it's her fault.

At first, she'd thought that whatever this human soporific Rose was drinking was harmless. It made her unsteady, perhaps, in both her gait and her common sense. But those had been the only negative effects obvious to her at the start.

Now, though, months have passed since she began to drink. It's a constant presence in her life, daily and nightly. Kanaya, though she hates to admit it, can see that its effects are more than temporary. Yet she continues in her aiding and abetting: partly through fear that any change to their status quo might tear it all apart, partly in the knowledge that helping too much can turn flushed feelings pale. She's got the matesprit she's been wanting all her life; she believes she's on a fine line between keeping and losing her. There will be no chances taken here.

Yet this raises an uncomfortable question for her. What does she value more: Rose herself, or just their relationship?

She decides to answer that one later. For now, she has to sleep.

Perhaps the Amporas or Kankri are easier to handle than this dilemma.


	6. 10:03, December 1: Gamzee Makara

He's not even bothering to hide in the shadows right now. With this outfit, he'd be spotted anyway. Anyway, he wants her to see it in its full glory, unhindered by the darkness.

He's sure she's coming back. After two interruptions, she won't be able to stand the loose ends dangling for long. Hopefully they'll be third time lucky, whether luck actually matters or not. Either way, she's definitely returning -- though perhaps she'll be delayed by looking for something first.

There. Footsteps pounding along in his direction, with the odd sound of a horn skittering out of her way. She approaches, still using that fucking cane! They both know she no longer needs it. He scoffs silently at her stupid sentimentality. 

GAMZEE: I KNEW YOU COULDN'T RESIST COMING BACK FOR MORE.  
GAMZEE: you just can't get enough of me.  
GAMZEE: WERE YOU LOOKING FOR SOMETHING?

No reply, just puzzlement. The head turns to one side; the eyebrows furrow curiously. The eyes open to check what she smells, revealing the slight manic quality they get from having a few bottles of Faygo down the hatch already. The mind runs faster as a side-effect, yes, but also has a habit of tripping over itself. The perfect opportunity for delusion.

TEREZI: TH4TS MY DR4GON C4P3! >:O  
GAMZEE: does it suit me? ;o)  
TEREZI: YOU C4NT JUST ST34L MY STUFF!  
TEREZI: BUT...  
TEREZI: 1 TH1NK TH1S 1S TH3 F1RST T1M3 1V3 S33N 1T B31NG WORN  
TEREZI: 1 DONT G3T TH4T GOOD 4 LOOK 4T 1T WH3N 1M 4CTU4LLY W34R1NG 1T  
TEREZI: 4LL TH4T LUSC1OUS R3D!  
TEREZI: 1TS JUST SO...  
TEREZI: D3C4D3NT!  
GAMZEE: AND YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE EVEN MORE MOTHER FUCKING DECADENT?  
GAMZEE: this color all over the meteor.  
GAMZEE: AND WE'LL BE TAKING OUR MOTHER FUCKING BATHS IN IT.  
GAMZEE: and painting our decadent red pictures everywhere.  
GAMZEE: OUR GLORIOUS RED PARADISE.  
TEREZI: >:?  
GAMZEE: hey, why don't you slam a faygo?  
TEREZI: YOUR3 P41NT1NG 3V3RYTH1NG R3D W1TH F4YGO?  
GAMZEE: NO.  
GAMZEE: just take it.  
TEREZI: OK4Y F1N3!  


She tips the bottle up and pours its entire content down her throat, with Gamzee keeping a close eye on her all the while.

TEREZI: BLUH!  
TEREZI: 1T JUST T4ST3S OF BUBBL3S 4ND R3VOLT1NG NOW.  
TEREZI: 1TS FOUL!  
TEREZI: 4ND Y3T...  
TEREZI: 1 N33D 4NOTH3R ON3 >:o[  
GAMZEE: HELP YOURSELF TO ANOTHER ONE.  
GAMZEE: i stocked up on the red just for you.  
TEREZI: YOU ROTT3N ROM4NT1C BL4CKB3RRY B4ST4RD  
TEREZI: 1 B3T YOU R3CKON YOUR3 B31NG 4LL LOV3RBOY  
TEREZI: 1T JUST M4K3S M3 D3SP1S3 YOU 3V3N MOR3!  
GAMZEE: JUST GET YOUR FUCKIN DRINK ON ALREADY.  
TEREZI: >:|  


She snatches the one he holds out for her, the vivid red liquid working its charms all through Terezi's mind. Soon, she's helpless. Gulping down yet another bottle of the sticky soda, she lies flat on the floor, drowning in fructose ecstasy. He towers over her, taunting her from above:

GAMZEE: my lil puppet friend is all doing his whispering shit again.  
GAMZEE: HE'S TELLING ME THAT EVERY LAST MOTHER FUCKING PERSON ALL UP IN HERE HAS TO DIE.  
TEREZI: BUT TH3YR3 OUR FR13NDS!  
GAMZEE: what matters more? friends?  
GAMZEE: OR THE RULERS OF EVERY MOTHER FUCKING UNIVERSE?  
GAMZEE: we gotta be doing what our mirthful messiahs tell us to.  
GAMZEE: THAT MEANS YOU TOO, MY HATEBITCH.  
GAMZEE: you gotta make up your mind. all up and get your motherfucking choose on of what you're gonna do.  
GAMZEE: AND IT HAD BETTER BE THE RIGHT MOTHERFUCKING CHOICE.  
GAMZEE: you want to know how i'm painting this place?  
TEREZI: T3LL M3 TH3N!  
GAMZEE: BLOOD.  
GAMZEE: the blood of all those human fuckers.  
GAMZEE: THAT SCARLET SHINING BLOOD ALL SPRAYING OUT EVERYWHERE.  
GAMZEE: a candy red feast to your motherfuckin senses.  
TEREZI: BUT TH4TS D4V3! 4ND ROS3!  
TEREZI: 4ND K4RK4T H4S R3D BLOOD TOO...  
TEREZI: YOU S1CK FUCK!  
GAMZEE: YOU GOT THAT MOTHER FUCKING RIGHT!  
GAMZEE: and don't you ever forget that.  
GAMZEE: I'VE MOTHERFUCKING KILLED BEFORE, REMEMBER?  
GAMZEE: and i could kill you too.  
GAMZEE: I COULD SNAP YOUR NECK WITH A FLICK OF MY MOTHER FUCKING WRIST.  
GAMZEE: i'm not killing you now.  
GAMZEE: BUT I COULD BE ALL STOPPING THE NOT KILLING YOU AT ANY FUCKING TIME I WANTED TO.  


Now would be the time for her to put up a fight, verbally at least. But she's helpless: close to passed-out in a suger-driven stupor. She's barely in a state to do anything right now; having to deal with her awful kismesis' bullshit is the last thing she needs!

TEREZI: YOUD N3V3R D4R3  
GAMZEE: oh, i imagine i mother fucking would.  
GAMZEE: ONLY KEEPING YOU ALIVE FOR OUR BLACKROM THING.  
GAMZEE: but i could stop it with you whenever i want.  
GAMZEE: AND THEN WHAT WOULD HAPPEN?  
GAMZEE: anything at all. :o)  
TEREZI: YOUR3 D1SGUST1NG  
GAMZEE: DID I EVER UP AND MOTHERFUCKING SAY THAT I MOTHERFUCKING WASN'T?  
GAMZEE: but there's one little thing you can help me with, sunshine.  
GAMZEE: A LITTLE MOTHER FUCKING PLAN OF MINE TO GET THE WICKED CHAOS STARTED EARLY.  
GAMZEE: and then i might be a little nicer. :o)  
TEREZI: BLUH, F1N3!  
TEREZI: 1TS NOT L1K3 1 C4N S4Y NO >:o[  
GAMZEE: WE'RE GOING TO FUCK THEIR SHIT UP, MY BITCH.  
GAMZEE: get a little mirthful havoc goin to make this place less boring.  
GAMZEE: A LITTLE MENACE, A LITTLE SABOTAGE.  
GAMZEE: then we'll have our dark carnival come early.  
GAMZEE: HONK.  
TEREZI: 1D 4SK WH4TD H4PP3N 1F 1 D1DNT H3LP BUT --  
GAMZEE: you don't get a choice in the matter, girl.  
GAMZEE: YOU'RE HELPING ME WITH THIS SHIT.  
GAMZEE: this is gonna be some fuckin makara-pyrope collaboration shit.  
GAMZEE: MIRTHFUL FUCKIN PARTNERS IN CRIME.  
GAMZEE: you're gonna be by my side this whole time.  
GAMZEE: AND WE'LL BE LETTIN OUR BEAUTIFUL HATE FLOW ALL THROUGH THIS GODDAMN METEOR.  
GAMZEE: and one day.  
GAMZEE: ONE. MOTHER. FUCKING. DAY!  
GAMZEE: we'll have rivers of rainbow blood.  
GAMZEE: AND THE REDDEST MOTHERFUCKING RED YOU EVER --

HONK.

His head whips round to the source of the noise: it's from just around the corner. Someone's coming... or were they already there?


	7. 10:01, December 1: Rose Lalonde

There's nothing better than a trashy romance novel to read while drunk. The inebriation fogs up just how poor quality the book is, while lapping up all the juicy erotic content. One of the worst romance novels on Alternia, which Karkat claimed to keep only for purposes of comparison, is now a page-turner to Rose. Even if the pages are swimming.

There's nothing worse than drunkenly reading a trashy romance novel when there's important business in need of completing. But she couldn't care less about that right now, not when her distorted vision is picking up on some of the steamiest excerpts of the novel. She's utterly engrossed -- until a flicker of movement in the corner of her eye snatches her attention away.

The red numbers on her bedroom clock have switched from 9:59 to 10:00. Ten in the morning, with urgent work to do, and Rose is already nigh-incapacitated. So much for her drink-free day yesterday.

Not that she'd enjoyed that, though. She'd forced herself through it just to see if it would aid her thinking processes. It had, but not to any noticeable degree: even when sober, Kanaya's genetic research remains just as impenetrable to her. She consoles herself that, to be frank, she's more into the more abstract side of things: the magical rather than the scientific. The constant alcohol cravings probably don't help her understand, either.

Rose reminds herself never to have a drink-free day again. It only ever does her more harm than good.

Resolving to finally get this 'clubbing' over and done with, she puts the book to one side, hauls herself out of bed and makes her way over to juggalo territory.

Or, at least, she tries to. These corridors have never been easily navigable, even less so in this state. The only landmarks she can remember her path with by are the horns scattered all over the floor -- and even those change their position daily. Gamzee's grown a devious streak, one which soon has Rose confounded.

That pile of horns certainly wasn't here yesterday... wherever 'here' may be. This proves to be the final straw: Rose can no longer muster up the motivation to go on, not when such a comfy horn pile is on offer. She's about to flump herself down onto it and curl up in a ball --

GAMZEE: YOU'RE HELPING ME WITH THIS SHIT.

She freezes. He's just round the corner... Should she interrupt? Or remain in position for a bit of eavesdropping? Yes, she'll do the latter. She wants to find out about "this shit", whatever "this shit" may be, and interrupting them is a sure fire way to ensure it's never mentioned in her earshot again. Also, it could be a good topic for gossipping with Kanaya later.

What she overhears, however, is far too grave for gossip.

We've already heard this conversation, now it's Rose's turn to listen in. Her agitation only increases with every word spoken, until soon she can bear no more.

GAMZEE: this is gonna be some fuckin makara-pyrope collaboration shit.  
GAMZEE: MIRTHFUL FUCKIN PARTNERS IN CRIME.  
GAMZEE: you're gonna be by my side this whole time.  
GAMZEE: AND WE'LL BE LETTIN OUR BEAUTIFUL HATE FLOW ALL THROUGH THIS GODDAMN METEOR.  
GAMZEE: and one day.  
GAMZEE: ONE. MOTHER. FUCKING. DAY!  
GAMZEE: we'll have rivers of rainbow blood.  
GAMZEE: AND THE REDDEST MOTHERFUCKING RED YOU EVER --

He cuts off there. Rather peculiar, she thinks. It's not until Gamzee tramps round the corner and glares straight at her that she thinks to look down. And there it is -- a horn, crushed beneath her foot, alerting them without her even noticing.

Rather sheepishly, she lifts her foot back up, leaning on the wall for support, and smiles a quivering smile at him.

ROSE: Uhh, h-hi?  
GAMZEE: yeah, hi motherfucker.  
ROSE: Ohh shshhhht --  
GAMZEE: SO INTERFERING WASN'T ENOUGH, WAS IT?  
GAMZEE: you had to be all going and listening in on our private talking too.  
GAMZEE: WHAT WE DO TO BE SERVING OUR MIRTHFUL MOTHERFUCKIN MESSIAHS IS OUR BUSINESS!  
GAMZEE: you can be getting all your eldritch darkness magic on in your own business.  
GAMZEE: JUST LET US DO OUR OWN FUCKING THING FOR ONCE.  
ROSE: But youo can't go araund planning to klil everyone!  
ROSE: Pepple don't like bing killed,  
ROSE: I don't want to be killded!  
GAMZEE: i should have motherfucking known it.  
GAMZEE: YOU'RE ALL UP AND DRINKING THAT HUMAN FAYGO AGAIN!  
ROSE: No, It's not Fagyo,  
ROSE: Ist just the booshze that Kaynaya makes me, its' different --  
GAMZEE: call it what you want.  
GAMZEE: STILL DOES THE SAME MOTHER FUCKING THING.  
GAMZEE: kanaya's got more of the wicked cleverness than i was all up and giving her the credit for.  
GAMZEE: KEEPING HER MATESPRIT WITH HER BY ALL FILLING HER UP WITH SOPORIFICS!  
GAMZEE: we're not so different as she makes out to be. :o)  
GAMZEE: NOT SO MOTHERFUCKING DIFFERENT AT ALL.  
ROSE: Nooononono, shee'sh not doing that!  
ROSE: Knaya loevs me, relly, seh wodn't do that --  
GAMZEE: yeah, that's right.  
GAMZEE: KEEP YOURSELF IN THE WICKED IGNORANCE OF ALL HER DEVIOUS SHIT, IF YOU LIKE THAT.  
GAMZEE: you'll have forgotten all this soon.  
GAMZEE: DON'T EVEN NEED TO DO THE CHUCKLEVOODOOS THIS TIME.  
GAMZEE: i can just knock you out and leave you, and they'll think you all went and knocked yourself out.  
GAMZEE: AND NO ONE EVER FINDS OUT A SINGLE FUCKING THING.  


Before Rose can protest, a sharp clout to the head knocks any remaining trace of lucidity out of her.

Gamzee looks back at his kismesis -- she's nodded off. He'll need to dispose of that dead weight as well. The human has to be first priority, though: Kanaya has proven to be a much more clingy matesprit than Dave, and will inevitably come looking; while the latter seems to have grown accustomed to Terezi's absences.

As he drags Rose away to a place where she is likely to be discovered, he mulls over the sad fact that it's come to this between them. Before he went and confided in her with the secret about this relationship, they'd tolerated each other in a way which was almost amicable. Perhaps she'd been trying to convince herself that he was more than just a vile piece of murderous clown trash, and trying to get things friendly between everyone again by setting differences aside. He's glad that never happened. Watching them all die would be so much harder otherwise.

Even now all she ever does is meddle, he's still missing the unlikely rapport they had. It had been a shame to lose one of his only friends in this place.

But loyalty to his masters must always, _always,_ come first.

And so he continues his task, allowing no second thoughts on the matter.


	8. 12:37, December 1: Dave Strider

Even to the Knight of Time, the progression of time in the Furthest Ring is confusing. His timelines before the Scratch behaved like you’d expect timelines to: all woven together neatly, with clear points where they cross. Here, they’re less woven than torn up, stitched together into some erratic patchwork, then twisted around and tied together. Good luck guessing where things are supposed to go.

Still, his godly time powers have already allowed him to wish Jade a happy birthday, at an earlier time when the meteor’s thread was equivalent to December 1 for her. He’d done so as soon as it was possible. She had, however, mentioned him having talked to John earlier on; it’s he who he is contacting now, tying up the loose ends on the time loop.

— turntechGodhead began pestering ectoBiologist at ??:?? ##ERROR## —  
TG: haha wow  
TG: pesterchum isnt even trying to understand all this temporal bullshit any more  
TG: it has literally given up on us for good  
EB: we can’t say it didn’t try, though!  
EB: remember the time it tried to convince us we were talking in 1025 bc?  
TG: hahaha yeah  
TG: actually i think we were  
TG: this fuckin place man  
TG: dont even try to understand it if youve got any plans on keeping your sanity  
TG: spending three years doing jack shit is hard enough on the brain cells  
EB: yeah, it is dull…  
EB: we do have lots of movies to watch, though!  
EB: except my thirteen-year-old self kept lots of really crappy movies. i wish i used to have better taste!  
TG: well you aint got it as bad as me if that helps  
TG: you got whole planets to keep you company  
TG: i got my sister and a fuckload of aliens  
EB: they’re cool aliens, though!  
TG: you havent spent nearly three years on a rock with them  
TG: tz and the mayor guy are pretty chill  
TG: kanaya is too but shes too busy with rose to talk to me now  
TG: karkat still wont stop yelling at me  
TG: and i havent even seen clown guy once  
TG: thats probably a good thing though  
EB: wow, i guess you’re right.  
EB: but things are really boring for both of us!  
TG: when its not boring here its teen drama central  
EB: yeah, okay, that does sound annoying.  
EB: everything about this game is annoying!  
EB: sburb chose the worst time to take us for this, didn’t it?  
EB: it could have waited until we were adults! so we didn’t have to create a universe and still try to grow up at the same time!  
EB: growing up’s hard enough already.  
EB: maybe it’s good that we got three years to settle down a bit?  
EB: oh, by the way, it’s jade’s birthday here. sixteen!  
TG: yeah i know  
TG: talked to her on this day ages back  
TG: she mentioned id dropped by to talk to you earlier  
TG: which is now  
TG: and also that i had to leave in a hurry  
TG: dont know what thats about but im gonna find out soon enough  
EB: argh, all your time jargon is confusing me!  
TG: you take it easy breath boy  
TG: i got all this weird time shit  
TG: wish i could set it back a bit though  
TG: im sixteen too in a couple a days  
TG: doesnt feel like it  
TG: dont think im ready  
EB: jade feels like that too!  
EB: she’s having a great birthday, though.  
EB: nanna’s baked her so many cakes, i don’t think we’ll have enough room for them on any of these planets soon!  
TG: haha  
TG: im heading off to the lunch hall atm  
TG: could whip up some freshly alchemized cake and have a party for her over here  
EB: is this why you have to go in a hurry, then?  
EB: the cake beckons! you can never escape!  
TG: haha  
TG: oh shit  
EB: huh?  
TG: i really gotta go now  
EB: what happened?  
EB: dave?

Lying face-down on the floor in front of him is the body of Terezi Pyrope.

DAVE: tz?  
DAVE: oh god not again  
DAVE: what have you got yourself into this time  
DAVE: terezi?

Despite his prior experience in this exact situation, Dave’s still not quite sure to do when faced with an unconscious girlfriend. He’s about to try kicking her before he gets a mumbled response:

TEREZI: MMPHMPH3H  
DAVE: oh youre awake are you  
DAVE: be nice if you could tell me how you got here  
DAVE: dont think thats gonna be happening though  
DAVE: you know what  
DAVE: just  
DAVE: hold still a bit  
DAVE: and try not to squirm  


He then hefts her over his shoulder: a task which, on reflection, he had probably underestimated. Terezi’s heavier than she looks. And, of course, she's squirming. Wincing, he stands fast and gets a firm grip on her, before beginning a lumbering stumble the rest of the way to the food hall.

DAVE: lets get you sorted out  
DAVE: youve lost your glasses again  
DAVE: have to alchemizate a new pair  
DAVE: i bet somewhere on this meteor theres some kind of pyrope glasses magnet  
DAVE: drags you off by the glasses  
DAVE: thatd explain you going on all these walks  
DAVE: and then it steals em off your face when youre not looking  
DAVE: and sells em off on the terezis r4d r3d glasses black market  
DAVE: it needs the money  
DAVE: got a whole magnetic family to feed  
DAVE: i hope none of them grow up to become strider glasses magnets  
DAVE: what the fuck am i saying  
DAVE: here we are

Finally at his destination, Dave lies Terezi down across a row of chairs. He only leaves her there once he’s completely satisfied she’s not going to fall off or roll off or something, then goes to join the small, rag-clothed figure who's standing at the alchemiters and waving his screen around. 

dave sir!  
i require your assistance in producing more of these miniature trees!   
DAVE: why the fuck do you want more broccoli  
DAVE: how did you even get broccoli in this place   
i found this delicacy in one of my loyal citizens of can town!  
he was all too willing to donate his contents to feed me.   
and now i would like to use the magic machine thingies to make me some more!   
DAVE: ok   
DAVE: i guess someones gotta eat the broccoli we got   
DAVE: and if you do i dont have to   
forgive me for saying, but your reluctance is puzzling!   
have you never tasted this delectable substance, sir dave?   
DAVE: no   
DAVE: fuck no   
DAVE: bro wouldnt even let me near them   
DAVE: bro knows best   
DAVE: they sound gross anyways   
hm. enough of the idle chat! hop to it!   
DAVE: k   
i am being rude. profusely sorry apologies!   
MAYOR please thank you.   
mustn't forget my manners! i should know better! begging your forgiveness!  
DAVE: hey dont worry about it lil guy   
DAVE: i got this

He runs through the process -- now ingrained in his mind -- a few times, producing a little hill of broccoli. The Dersite is ecstatic.

DAVE: enjoy your broccoli dude   
my sincerest thanks for your aid in producing this delicious vegetable!   
DAVE: no problem   
DAVE: now what was i doing before the whole broccoli thing happened   
DAVE: oh yeah   
DAVE: terezis wasted again   
DAVE: found her on the way here in the same place shes been the last three times   
DAVE: and all sticky with faygo again   
DAVE: i wanna know what shes up to  
forgive me for asking, but do you have any suspicions as to her activities, perchance?   
DAVE there is one i cant shake   
DAVE: that shes got some secret spades quadrant shit going on with crazy faygo clown guy   
DAVE: but i dont want to even entertain that possibility   
DAVE: not even gonna give it the tiniest little fragment of anything resembling entertainment   
DAVE: that possibility is under strict house arrest in dullville for the rest of its days   
DAVE: and anyway why the fuck would tz even want to go near murderclown   
DAVE: shes more likely to be dating you   
DAVE: no offense   
none taken whatsoever, sir dave! rest assured that the concept of your esteemed lady friend dating me will receive even less entertainment than the prospect of her being with the clown!   
DAVE: hell yes   
DAVE: no games for that concept or the gamzee one ever again   
DAVE: theyll just be sitting around on their asses all day being bored to death   
DAVE: meanwhile the concept of me and tz being together gets ten tvs an adventure playground and a sofa which is comfy as fuck   
indeed, we must allocate all entertainment facilities to that purpose posthaste!   
DAVE: you got that right   
DAVE: it aint that easy though   
DAVE: havent had a proper talk with her in weeks   
DAVE: and when i ask her anything shes all evasive and shit   
DAVE: shes hiding something   
DAVE: and the only other explanation i can think of involves magnets and is basically idiotic   
DAVE: whatever   
DAVE: i was gonna make cake wasnt i   
DAVE: lets forget about all that for now   
DAVE: we have a cake to concoct


	9. 10:47, December 1: Karkat Vantas

The metal on the horns jabs him as he lifts himself out of his impromptu resting place. Checking his phone, he realizes he's missed out on _another_ conversation with the only person who cares about him these days -- there's nothing like waking up to _that_ to ensure your day starts out miserable. Trying not to make too much of a noise, he wrests his way out of the pile. May as well get something down the protein chute, seeing as he's managed to sleep in until lunchtime.

Karkat mooches his way down the corridors, now automatically brightened to represent day. It's not as unbearably bright as the Alternian day -- just dim enough to carry about their usual activities. Not that day and night matter in this hellhole, but there has to be some sort of artificial environment or their body clocks will go utterly haywire. Just another fragment of reality to dissolve.

Crazy place.

Crazy people, too. He hopes there's no one in the food hall, so he might actually be able to eat his grubloaf in peace... yeah, right. As if that's ever going to happen.

Well, he does know that Gamzee for one won't be there. That's something, at least: he's the last person he wants to run into right now. He's still shaken by the fact that his moirail seems to be turning into a murderhappy lunatic before his eyes again, and -- worse -- that nothing he does seems to have an effect.  


Maybe he's been too harsh on him in the memos, he thinks. He cares about him, he really does! But perhaps his hate for his past and future selves overwhelms his love for his moirail -- he'll rant about anything to himself, no matter how he actually feels about it. Anything or anyone. And anyone can read those memos...

He berates himself for how stupid he's been. It's his fault that Gamzee's going this way -- he must think Karkat doesn't care any more! In which case, he's the _first_ person he wants to run into right now. He has to make amends, or who knows what the guy might end up doing?

That's just another of the many ways in which his moronic actions have sent their session to ruin. Everything's down to him in the end, after all. Everything that's gone wrong so far has been his fault in some way. He's to blame for every single fuck-up in this place.

That is to say, he blames _himself_.

He tries to chase the thoughts away, but they linger. It's almost as if it's another one of his past or future selves, teasing out every mistake he's made and taunting him about each one. And he can't just block this torment. He's helpless.

At last he gets to the food hall. Perhaps he might be able to distract himself from the self-hatred awhile.

By the entrance lies Terezi, sleeping fitfully on a row of chairs. She's covered in sweat and sticky red residue, the state he's seen her in several times now over the past month. He feels an overwhelming pity compelling him to try and do something to help: the most he can think of to do is arranging her into a less sprawling, more comfortable position. After his adjustments, she doesn't stir once. She almost looks peaceful.

He may as well try to clean her up a bit, as well. He dabs the damp skin with some cloth torn from his shirt, making an effort to clear away some of the muck all over her. At least he could restore some dignity to her.

He's too occupied by dealing with the matter at hand to consider what might have caused it -- what _keeps_ causing it. He doesn't want to think about that, anyway. Whatever explanations he can think of only ever spur on his self-loathing; in the end, they all boil down to himself being at fault yet again.

He's done all he can. Now, time for that grubloaf...

... Oh, of course. Of all the fucking imbeciles he could run into on this rock, he has to find himself face to face with this one.

DAVE: hey  
KARKAT: DON'T YOU "HEY" ME, STRIDER.  
DAVE: what the fuck  
DAVE: i was just saying hey  
DAVE: is that like a crime now  
KARKAT: I'M NOT AS MUCH OF AN IDIOT AS YOU THINK I AM.  
KARKAT: YOU SAID IT IN THAT SNARKY SEEDFLAP-FONDLER TONE OF VOICE YOU USE WHEN YOU'RE GLOATING AT ME LIKE THE SNOOTY FUCKER YOU ARE.  
DAVE: so im snooty as well now huh  
DAVE: thats a new one  
DAVE: whats next to be picked from the lucky dip of random insults you can yell at me  
DAVE: my moneys on stinky  
KARKAT: TRUST ME, I WOULDN'T SINK TO THE LEVEL OF PETTY GRIPES LIKE THAT. AGAIN.  
KARKAT: THE ONLY THING THAT STINKS AROUND HERE IS YOUR DECAYING MORALITY.  
KARKAT: DID YOU SERIOUSLY LEAVE YOUR "GIRLFRIEND" OVER THERE IN THAT REPULSIVELY UNDIGNIFIED STATE  
KARKAT: WHILE YOU STUFF YOURSELF WITH CAKE?????  
DAVE: calm your rumble spheres  
KARKAT: !!!  
DAVE: is that right  
DAVE: did i use your dumbass troll slang right  
DAVE: cos that seems to be the only way im gonna get you listening for once  
DAVE: speaking your own retarded language  
DAVE: oh

He's noticed the Wayward Vagabond in his default position when he's faced with these confrontations: hiding behind the nearest concealing object he can find, in this case an alchemiter.

DAVE: sorry to have to end our party like this dude  
DAVE: but i have to deal with this guy  
DAVE: just go back home if youre scared or whatever and ill meet you back there later  
okay sir dave.

He scurries off, and Karkat resumes his rant:

KARKAT: WHAT IS IT WITH YOU AND THAT GUY?  
KARKAT: YOU'RE TOO QUASI-"COOL" TO LIKE THE SORT OF BULLSHIT HE GETS UP TO, EVEN "IRONICALLY"!  
DAVE: hey dont diss the mayor  
DAVE: hes cool  
DAVE: just this big bundle of fun and games and good intentions  
DAVE: not hate and shouting and malice like some people  
KARKAT: I ONLY HATE PEOPLE WHO DESERVE HATING.  
KARKAT: LIKE A CERTAIN SNOOTY MISTER STRIDER HERE.  
DAVE: again with the snooty  
DAVE: do you even know what that means  
KARKAT: YES  
KARKAT: I BET IF OUR FUCKED-UP SHAMBLES OF A SESSION HAD ITS OWN DICTIONARY, YOU'D HAVE YOUR GOOFY-SHADESED FACE RIGHT BENEATH "SNOOTY, ADJECTIVE: DAVE STRIDER."  
DAVE: whatever  
DAVE: putting your bizarre word choices aside  
DAVE: are you seriously saying i dont care about her????  
DAVE: i fucking carried tz all the way from where i found her to here  
DAVE: and made sure shed be ok sleeping there  
DAVE: i was gonna wash her off in the bath or ablution trap or whatever once shed woken up  
DAVE: if that doesnt scream BOYFRIENDLY DEVOTION in your face then i dont know whats wrong with you  
KARKAT: LIAR.  
DAVE: wtf  
KARKAT: YOU'D NEVER BOTHER TO DO ALL THAT FOR HER.  
DAVE: what the hell  
DAVE: there really is something wrong with you  
KARKAT: DO YOU THINK I'M NOT FULLY AWARE OF THAT EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY?  
KARKAT: AT LEAST I CAN TAKE COMFORT IN THE FACT THAT YOU'RE JUST AS FUCKED-UP AS I AM.  
KARKAT: WE REALLY WERE MADE FOR EACH OTHER, WEREN'T WE?  
DAVE: wait what  
KARKAT: THE FAILED LEADER AND THE KNIGHT OF DOUCHE.  
DAVE: whoa no  
DAVE: this is stupid and you know it  
DAVE: i get what you're trying to set up between us  
DAVE: now stop it  
KARKAT: DON'T GIVE ME ANY OF THAT "I AM NOT A HOMOSEXUAL" BULLSHIT.  
KARKAT: THIS DOWNRIGHT NONSENSICAL HUMAN SEXUALITY THING IS EITHER SOME FARCE YOU ALL AGREED ON TO FEND OFF OUR ADVANCES OR, PERHAPS, A GENUINE THING.  
KARKAT: EVEN IF IT IS, LOOK AT ROSE. ALWAYS HAVING SLOPPY MAKEOUTS WITH KANAYA AND GIVING EVEN LESS THAN ZERO FUCKS THAT SHE'S A GIRL.  
KARKAT: FROM WHAT I UNDERSTAND OF YOUR GENETICS, THIS PROBABLY RUNS IN FAMILIES. OH LOOK WHO HER BR--  
DAVE: stop that right there  
DAVE: steering that train of thought off the tracks for a while and putting this one on instead  
DAVE: can humans even _have_ these blackrom feelings  
DAVE: cos i aint feelin em right now  
DAVE: yeah lots of hate  
DAVE: but you dont really make yourself the most likeable guy in the world  
KARKAT: PERHAPS YOU'RE JUST TOO FUCKING MORONIC TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY BRIMMING WITH CALIGINITY RIGHT NOW?  
KARKAT: I WOULDN'T PUT IT PAST THAT HOLLOW HUMAN SKULL OF YOURS.  
DAVE: perhaps youve never realized that you are actually capable of not shouting  
DAVE: and perhaps shutting the fuck up for once  
DAVE: perhaps you could do that now  
KARKAT: PERHAPS I MIGHT NOT  
KARKAT: AND PERHAPS YOU WOULDN'T KNOW HOW TO STOP ME!  
DAVE: got a pretty good idea on how to do that  
DAVE: oh hey terezi!

Startled, Karkat turns his head around to look at her -- except there's no one there, and his efforts reward him with a kick from Dave that knocks him to the floor.

KARKAT: YOU FUCKING CHEATING BASTARD!  
KARKAT: THAT WAS COMPLETELY UNCALLED FOR! ANOTHER TALLY MARK ON THE STRIDER DOUCHEBAGGERY CHART! WHICH IS ALREADY EXPANDING SO RAPIDLY IT NEEDS A NEW COUNTRY TO ACCOMODATE IT!  
DAVE: i cannot believe you  
DAVE: you still will not shut up  
KARKAT: AND YOU INSIST ON CONTINUING TO BE AN ASSHOLE!  
KARKAT: WHICH IS DOING NOTHING TO DETER ME!  
KARKAT: _I!_  
KARKAT: _HATE!_  
KARKAT: _YOU!_  
DAVE: yeah i kinda got that impression  
DAVE: alright whatever  
DAVE: you want some sorta hatesmooch or something  
DAVE: ill give you your hatesmooch  
DAVE: if you will _leave me alone_  
KARKAT: FINE. DEAL.

Crouching beside him on the floor, Dave hoists Karkat up by the shoulders, grips his head and pulls him into a hatesmooch, which lasts a few seconds before he lets him go and storms off.

DAVE: you are telling no one about this  
DAVE: no one  
DAVE: _ever_

Dave hauls Terezi out; Karkat's left lying alone.

So. He did it. How does he feel now? Caliginous pangs quelled for the time being, or insatiable lust burning only more fiercely?

To be honest? Neither. Really, he just feels awful.

The way it all played out discomforts him: it felt wrong, forced. As if destiny's dangled him this carrot only for it to become the stick. And it _hurts_.

He feels as if he's hurt Dave, as well. Telling himself he shouldn't worry about that fuckass doesn't work. For some bizarre reason, he can't help but care.

Perhaps, then, they aren't "made for each other" at all. Perhaps this futile attempt at finding a kismesis is just his own way of convincing himself that there's at least _some_ hope left for him. And he's messed it up by trying too hard. His single-minded, idiotic rampage to grab what he's convinced himself he needs has gone and messed everything up. _Again._

And there's another thing he's done again.

Every single time, no matter what happens, he always manages to pin all of the blame on himself.


	10. 14:16, December 1: Terezi Pyrope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introducing a new feature as of this chapter: adding pictures to help illustrate the story. All the ones featured here are simple panel edits, turned into 'Terezivision' by myself. These are unlikely to become a regular fixture, though I may use it for some of the later Terezi chapters to help demonstrate her unique way of 'seeing' things.

DAVE: hows the new park goin  
it is progressing splendidly!  
soon the beacon of democracy at its center may be lit, and the park shall be open to all cans great and small!  
DAVE: good to hear man  
DAVE: aint no one does democracy better than we do democracy  
DAVE: equality freedom and ironic shitty comics for all  
DAVE: and speaking of shitty comics  
DAVE: looks like co-cartoonist in chief is coming round  
TEREZI: UUUUHHH?

Lying on your back on a cold steel floor is not the most comfortable way to wake up. The decidedly discontented Terezi is about to open her eyes and look around, but remembers Dave and the Mayor's presence and decides against it. Instead, she tries taking a sniff of her surroundings, instantly choking on the sensation of glaring light. That was _not_ a good idea. A far better idea, she decides, would be to roll over and pretend she doesn't exist. Yes, she'll put that plan in action immediately.

DAVE: you okay babe  
DAVE: why am i even asking  
DAVE: anyone can see youre feelin like shit  
esteemed seer?  
TEREZI: BL4RGH  
DAVE: hangover  
TEREZI: Y34H  
DAVE: how do you even get hangovers off faygo  
DAVE: actually never mind  
DAVE: lets just get you sorted out  
DAVE: do you want water or some of the sludgy coffee or something  
DAVE: or ill help you to the shower  
TEREZI: UUUUUGH  
TEREZI: JUST L3T M3 D13  
DAVE: hangover  
DAVE: still dont understand how you get hungover off soda  
DAVE: even rose doesnt get em as bad as you do  
TEREZI: ROS3?  
DAVE: yes rose  
DAVE: you know snooty miss cantaloupe robe as you used to call her  
DAVE: shit  
DAVE: remind me never to say the word snooty ever again  
i politely command you to refrain from using this word!  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: thanks bro  
TEREZI: 1 H34RD H3R  
TEREZI: ON MY W4LK  
DAVE: you did  
DAVE: what was she saying  
DAVE: what was she doing  
DAVE: what  
TEREZI: 1 C4NT R3M3MB3R  
DAVE: im gonna check outside for her  
DAVE: she mightve collapsed in some dark hallway nearby like you keep doing  
DAVE: you gonna be okay here  
TEREZI: 1M NOT GONN4 B3 OK4Y 4NYWH3R3  
DAVE: yeah thought so  
DAVE: mayor man hold the fort  
i shall gladly oblige, sir dave!  
DAVE: cool  
DAVE: brb

Dave leaves. Terezi takes a few gentle sniffs of the room around her.

Pyralspite's big red button eyes are the first things she notices, followed by the rest of the cocktail of colours pouring in. All the colours of her chalk, in fact. A few more details trickle into her senses; soon there's no doubt that her hungover body has become the newest fixture in Can Town. Said town has been implemented to the side of the Mayor's respiteblock, just down a set of stairs from the food hall.

Above her is the Mayor himself, hard at work on instructing the gardeners for his newest Can Town scheme. The cans are not responding, for some reason. He seems rather flustered, for some reason. Appearing to have some sort of realisation, he hops up. Now he's taken the defensive quarter and is clutching it in his carapaced hands. In other words, he is literally _holding the fort_.

The Mayor's probably never had a malicious thought in his life, but it's not a good idea to leave him looking after someone. Even a grub blinking on the other side of the planet would probably be enough to distract him.

Dave's left his husktop over nearby, and she takes an olfactory glance at that too:

The Mayor's not the only one who's been busy, then. Another shitty comic coming up for her, yes! Lots of laughs coming up, then...

As well as guilt. Dave does so much for her and she repays him by going off with Gamzee, time and time again. She knows she's wrong, so why isn't she getting caught, tried and rightfully charged with abusing her matesprit's trust? Being given love instead of punishment every single time just feels injust to her.

No, not good thoughts to be having, not with this headache. She rolls over, smudging a few roads in the process, and tries to curl up in a ball without causing too much more damage to the town.

Trying to ignore the fact that everything feels like death right now, she stays in this position until Dave's return.

DAVE: am i the human stretcher today  
DAVE: carryin all these hungover people everywhere  
DAVE: to our awesome democratic hangover hospital  
DAVE: k rose im putting you down now  
ROSE: Nonono -- aah!  
DAVE: there it wasnt that hard  
DAVE: now uh  
DAVE: try and feel better or something  
ROSE: Ha, that's never going to happen.  
DAVE: hangover melodrama yeah  
DAVE: and while were at it you are not under some eldritch headache curse  
DAVE: only curse you got comes in bottles  
ROSE: I need anonther drink...  
DAVE: congratulations sis  
DAVE: you just asked for the worst thing you could possibly have in this situation  
DAVE: you win top prize  
DAVE: which is no drinks for you ever again  
ROSE: What?  
DAVE: ok except water  
DAVE: and fucktons of apple juice  
DAVE: see why cant everyone just drink aj all the time  
DAVE: tastes like a billion rainbows just erupted essence of amazingness in your mouth  
DAVE: and no fucking hangovers  
DAVE: but if you can get a hangover from faygo  
DAVE: oh who knows  
ROSE: Dave,  
DAVE: see i wanna know why kanayas mixing and matching all types of new booze for you on the alchemiters  
DAVE: but shes never even tried making a drop of aj  
DAVE: everythings better with apple juice  
ROSE: Dave!  
TEREZI: D4V3!  
DAVE: huh what  
ROSE: How much longer are you planning to ramble about apple juice for?  
DAVE: maybe a few more minutes i dunno  
DAVE: cant plan the spontaneous apple juice spiels  
DAVE: just gotta go any way the aj flows  
ROSE: Shut your fucking mouth and do something!  
DAVE: whoa ok  
DAVE: hell hath no fury like a rose whos really pissed off at me  
ROSE: You're dealing with far more than hell here.  
DAVE: point taken  
DAVE: and that sure as hell was a pointy one  
DAVE: k then  
DAVE: ill go find kanaya or something  
DAVE: she can probably do better than my crappy ass attempts to get you two sorted out  
DAVE: uh  
DAVE: stay there and try not to die????  
DAVE: and mayor its ok you dont actually have to hold our fort man  
DAVE: it was another one of those metaphors or whatever  
oh! i beg your pardon, sir dave.  
cessation of this foolish, stupid action shall cease immediately!  
it will never happen again! it must never happen again!  
such mistakes are unbefitting of a good, lawful mayor!  
i must ensure all communications are understood fully, and refrain from...  


He eventually realizes that no one is looking at his screen any more, and concentrates on his township.

When Dave has made his exit, Rose turns her vitriol -- quietly, so as not to alert the Mayor -- on Terezi.

ROSE: I just don't get you, you know.  
ROSE: You have no reason to go near Gamzee, and every reason to stay as far away from him as it is physically possible to be.  
ROSE: And you're still pursuing that deranged black relationship with him?  
ROSE: You seem logical enough, you must know how much trouble it's going to cause!  
ROSE: But no! You go blundering into his lair every single time, too caught up in your sickening caliginous ideal to do the sensible thing and _get the fuck out of there before it's too late_.  
TEREZI: (do you h4v3 to b3 s4y1ng th1s now??????)  
TEREZI: (th3 m4yor 1s r1ght th3r3)  
TEREZI: (4nd 1 f33l l1k3 my th1nk p4ns b31ng 34t3n by on3 of thos3 horr1bl3t3rr1bl3 monst3rs you lov3)  
ROSE: When else will I get the chance? What with you always cavorting with either Gamzee in the shadows or doting on Dave the rest of the time.  
ROSE: I can hardly talk to you about this when Dave's around. And Gamzee...  
ROSE: I'm not on speaking terms with him any more.  
ROSE: I rarely remember what happens when I try to auspisticize you two together. But I guess my seer powers help me deduce how fortunate I was in each particular rendezvous.  
ROSE: And each time, my intuition points towards him causing all my misfortunes. Oh, but how could that repulsive, murdering clown _ever_ want to cause me misfortune?  
ROSE: Anything I thought I could redeem in him is long gone. It was a mistake to waste my time on that single-minded fool.  
ROSE: You've got a pile of shit waiting for you too, if you insist on continuing down this path.  
ROSE: I'd swear you were idiotic if I didn't know better. You know better, too! Turn your stupid ass around and never see that man again.  
TEREZI: (your3 3v3n r34lly wordy wh3n your3 hungov3r)  
ROSE: Oh shut up.  
TEREZI: (1 c4nt d34l w1th th1s now)  
TEREZI: (t4lk to m3 4g41n wh3n 1m mor3 4l1v3)  
ROSE: I am not giving you that option!  
ROSE: I am physically unable to take your shit for even one more day!  
ROSE: You will renounce your brainless ways and break up that trainwreck of a kismessitude today, or God help me, I will do it by force!  
TEREZI: (ros3 1 th1nk your3 ov3rr34ct1ng)  
TEREZI: (th1s 1s l1t3r4lly the worst t1m3 w3 could b3 h4v1ng th1s conv3rs4t1on)  
TEREZI: (c4n w3 cont1nu3 th1s wh3n your3 mor3 l1k3 yours3lf????)  
TEREZI: (4ll th1s sn4pp1n3ss 1s r34lly not l1k3 you)  
ROSE: On the contrary, it's a perfectly justified reaction for anyone to this fucking fiasco that you're too selfish to do anything about.  
ROSE: Do you have an answer for me yet?  
TEREZI: (you 4r3 b31ng v3ry loud you know)  
TEREZI: (1 th1nk th3 m4yor h34rd th4t l4st p4rt)  
ROSE: (Shit.)  
ROSE: (I highly doubt that he's going to be able to jeopardize this.)  
ROSE: (But to be safe -- _unlike you_ \-- I'll stop. For now.)

Neither of them says another word. Instead, they stay where they lie, to stew in mutual indignation until Dave's return.


	11. 14:21, December 1: Kanaya Maryam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (I designed the outfit. Please tell me if it's hideous or not, I'm not quite a Kanaya in fashion sense.)

Sleep isn't exactly easy in this poor excuse for a recuperacoon. She just can't get used to the human beds they'd made in absence of any sleeping facilities, so she's alchemized a resting place like her old one to hang in her respiteblock. It's 'like her old one' only superficially, however: no amount of tinkering with the alchemiters will produce anything quite the same. Hence she climbs out of her sludge-filled pod, feeling rather unrested and only having managed a few hours' sleep.

She never needed much sleep, anyway. Being one of the few diurnal trolls on Alternia, yet often staying up into the night to talk with her nocturnal friends, she never really got the chance for it. Less sleep there meant less nightmares. Less sleep here means less irritating dancestors. In which case, maybe it's for the best her makeshift recuperacoon doesn't do its job adequately.

Yet she still feels restless. Kanaya's never one to leave anything unfinished, and her sleep-deprived mind is aching to finish what she gave up on last night. This is an important task, after all -- much more important than awkward conversations with Beforan trolls.

Enough stalling. Striding from her respiteblock to the lab, she's determined to give this project another try.

Her wardrobifier switches her outfit as she walks. Now she's suited in her serious scientist gear, designed by herself and Rose: starched, self-cleaning and with elements of the elder Lalonde's garb added perhaps subconsciously by her collaborator, but with Kanaya's unique flair added. 

Arriving at the lab brings back the memory of just why her scheme isn't working out, but her resolve remains unwavered. She's chosen to embrace this role, and she won't settle for anything half-hearted.

It was fortuitous that they had found themselves on a meteor originally meant for cloning. Genetics is not an area she considers herself accomplished in. Certain... urges... make this particular task even more difficult. But at least the equipment is readily available.

To the storage cabinet she goes. It's fully secured, of course -- anyone stumbling upon what it held without knowing of her research would quite possibly jump to undesirable conclusions. Considering she devotes most of her time to work and Rose, her relationships with the others are often shaky. She would hate for a simple misinterpretation to cause distrust or antagonism.

The key slots into the lock. The chain, removed. The contents? Body parts.

Or, at least, whatever body parts she can find. On her earlier clown hunting expeditions, she had occasionally come across fragments from the dead bodies in Gamzee's morbid collection. They are kept in here, frozen to preserve the DNA for her research.

The problem is, her stocks are running low. Her attempts to synthesize DNA for an embryonic matriorb have so far been unsuccessful, and each unsuccessful attempt ruins the DNA for the sample. Horn chippings, skin shavings: whatever she can get her hands on, and it's running out fast. The grist cost is too high to alchemize more, so all that remains now is what lies in the compartment right at the back. There's a reason for the chain wrapped round it twice and the lock holding it all securely shut. She's never allowed herself to access it, unless as a last resort. 

Well, it seems that time's come. Tentatively turning the key, she prises the lid open and holds her breath to avoid catching a whiff of what lies inside.

DAVE: hey kanaya

She slams the cupboard door, hoping he saw nothing. Fortunately, all seems safe.

DAVE: got a problem here  
DAVE: need you to come over and give a hand  
KANAYA: Im Afraid Im Busy  
DAVE: yeah the problem involves rose  
KANAYA: In That Case  
KANAYA: I Will Assist  
KANAYA: Give Me One Second To Tidy Away

She re-opens the cabinet surreptitiously, hurriedly shuts the case and goes to meet him at the door. He flicks his head in the direction from which he came and they set off together.

KANAYA: May I Ask What This Problem Entails  
DAVE: the usual  
DAVE: drinking duo hung over again  
KANAYA: I Assumed As Much  
KANAYA: That Bloody Soporific  
KANAYA: It May Make Her More Sanguine Whilst She Is Intoxicated  
KANAYA: But Afterwards She Is Quite Cold Blooded In Temperament  
KANAYA: And Rather Hostile To Most People  
DAVE: youre telling me  
DAVE: i just had to carry her  
DAVE: she was being all snide at me the whole way  
DAVE: didnt even thank me  
DAVE: terezis even worse though  
DAVE: just miserable for the rest of the day  
DAVE: at least rose does stuff  
KANAYA: Such Stuff Is Not Always Desirable  
KANAYA: And Often Brings My Blood Close To Boil  
KANAYA: But I Suppose I Must Tolerate It  
KANAYA: She Does At Least Tolerate Me In The Aftermath Of Her Drinking  
DAVE: youre gonna need your tolerance here  
DAVE: enough tolerance to build a skyscraper in the earthquake ridden land of pissed off roseville  
KANAYA: The Ability To Make Sense Of Your Baffling Metaphors Continues To Elude Me  
KANAYA: I Can Decipher Your Sisters Literary Gymnastics At Least  
KANAYA: While Yours Are Downright Confusing  
KANAYA: These Florid Speaking Habits Must Be In The Blood  
DAVE: yes thats cos theyre awesome  
DAVE: its just an undeniable fact  
DAVE: anyway  
DAVE: you should try and talk rose out of all this  
KANAYA: I Could Try  
KANAYA: Yet I Suspect It Would Be Like Getting Blood From A Stone  
KANAYA: Utterly Fruitless  
DAVE: its gonna seriously fuck her up if she keeps going though  
DAVE: and we dont want her all fucked up when we get to the new universe  
KANAYA: I Doubt Its Doing Her Very Much Harm Right Now  
KANAYA: In Fact It Seems To Be Only Beneficial Whilst She Is Under The Influence  
KANAYA: Perhaps Dragging Her Out Of This Habit Is Not Worth The Blood Sweat And Tears  
DAVE: whatever  
DAVE: well work that out when we get there  
DAVE: new subject  
DAVE: are you doing the vampirey thing again  
DAVE: going all blood sucking and shit on us  
KANAYA: How Can You Tell  
DAVE: just got that impression  
KANAYA: Then Yes  
KANAYA: I Am Finding Myself Thirsting For Blood Even More So Than Usual  
DAVE: right  
DAVE: just so you know  
DAVE: my bloods off limits  
DAVE: kinda like it staying in my body thanks  
KANAYA: Ill Take Note Of This  
DAVE: better be a pretty noticeable note  
DAVE: like dude i accept youre a rainbow drinker and all  
DAVE: but you probably wont even like my gross human blood  
KANAYA: Actually I Find Human Blood Rather Delicious  
DAVE: uh  
DAVE: howd you find that out  
DAVE: actually dont worry  
DAVE: here we are


	12. 14:28, December 1: Wayward Vagabond

The Mayor is utterly confused. Pretty much everyone on the meteor is scurrying about in his room -- it's making his head spin. 

The green lady is holding the angry one in yellow; he hopes that'll make her calm down. He'd never say it out loud, in fear of being rude, but he doesn't like her very much when she's in her icy, chilly moods. Could she not just be all bubbly all the time? 

Meanwhile, the other Seer is getting cheery again at last. The Dave knight showed her one of her comics and now she's giggling like she always used to. She still seems a little sad, though. But if she's giggly now, that's good. They're back to doing their colorful drawings again, so she must not be sad all the way through. And he just looks overjoyed to be with her. 

The Vagabond's happy to see things getting at least a little better. Even if the Sylph did just step all over his park. 

While all this is going on, he's on his own at the edge of the room. The perfect position for a fly on the wall. Yes, he knows it's rude to eavesdrop... but he wants to know more!

Eventually, his curiosity outweighs his politeness. Knowing he's going to regret this later, but too inquisitive to resist snooping, he listens in to the two conversations going on. 

DAVE: were like the seven dwarves on here  
DAVE: big rock and the seven teenage misfits  
DAVE: irony giggly canny snarky fancy shouty and honky  
TEREZI: 1S TH4T 4N 34RTH R3F3R3NC3 1 DONT G3T?  
TEREZI: 1T SOUNDS H1L4R1OUS 4ND 1NTR1GU1NG  
TEREZI: H3H3H3H3!  
DAVE: hells of yeah it is  
DAVE: snow white and the seven dwarves  
DAVE: dopest shit on earth that is  
TEREZI: YOU MUST T34CH M3!  
TEREZI: G3T M3 SCHOOLF3D 1N TH3 W4YS OF YOUR 4W3SOM3 HUM4N COOLK1DS  
TEREZI: WH1CH ON3S YOU >:]  
DAVE: im irony obviously  
DAVE: goddamn master of irony here cant you tell  
DAVE: like that snow white shit  
DAVE: kids movie  
DAVE: itd be just kinda weird for me to like it unironically  
DAVE: but i ironically like it which basically makes it all like ten times cooler  
TEREZI: YOU S33  
TEREZI: TROLLS DONT DO 4LL TH1S!  
TEREZI: 4LT3RN14 W4S N3V3R R4D 3NOUGH FOR M3  
TEREZI: WH4T3V3R WOULD 1 DO W1THOUT YOU TO SHOW M3 TH3 W4Y TO B3 4 TRU3 COOLK1D? >:D  
DAVE: youre learning the noble art with skill and finesse  
DAVE: on the path to mastering the ancient ways of the coolkid  
DAVE: well make a black belt coolkid of you yet  
TEREZI: C4NT 1 B3 4 R3D B3LT?  
DAVE: ok we can make the reddest red belt for you  
DAVE: then you will be coolkid sensei  
DAVE: with all the lame ass posers prostrating themselves before your greatness  
DAVE: theyll just have to carry you over this sea of awestruck skyward asses  
DAVE: and all around the planet the chant will be heard  
DAVE: all hail terezi  
DAVE: the coolest kid of them all  
TEREZI: OH D4V3 YOU FL4TT3R M3 >:]  
TEREZI: YOUR3 TOO GOOD TO M3  
DAVE: no such thing as too good  
DAVE: its the countdown to the goodness apocalypse  
DAVE: theres no escaping it now  
DAVE: fucking massive tidal wave of good comin your way like something out of johns crappy movies  
DAVE: no flood defences gonna hold this good back  
DAVE: but seriously  
DAVE: id probably have been driven out of my mind on this rock if it wasnt for you  
DAVE: now we got a comic to finish  
DAVE: sweet bro and pyralspite have a n4ncho p4rty to go to  
TEREZI: H3H3  
DAVE: hey  
DAVE: tz  
DAVE: before we get busy with our nancho party shenanigans  
DAVE: i just wanna say  
DAVE: you always look kinda sad these days  
DAVE: anything you wanna talk about or  
TEREZI: NO  
TEREZI: 1M F1N3!  
TEREZI: JUST  
TEREZI: L1F3 G3TS 4 L1TTL3 BOR1NG ON TH1S M3T3OR  
TEREZI: TH4TS 4LL!  
DAVE: well i thought of something we could do to deboring it  
DAVE: my birthdays the day after tomorrow  
DAVE: and roses is the day after that  
DAVE: i was thinking  
DAVE: we could have a big double birthday party for us  
DAVE: and i mean a proper big party  
DAVE: not some shitty ass thing like last year  
DAVE: although i gotta admit the cake fight was the best thing ever  
DAVE: how about something big and something that doesnt take the rest of the journey to clean off the walls  
DAVE: cos you know  
DAVE: sweet sixteen  
DAVE: we gotta do something  
DAVE: and i know you and i know theres nothing you love more than throwing a big ass party  
DAVE: nanchos are optional  
TEREZI: 1T SOUNDS F4BULOUS >8D  
DAVE: cool then  
DAVE: operation throw a big ass party is go

All this talk of coolkid mastery, tidal waves and nancho parties only makes him more befuddled. While the girls on the other side keep using big words, not all of which he understands, at least their conversations tend to make sense. Pretending to busy himself with lining up his can army, he turns an ear their way. 

KANAYA: Are Your Ashen Attempts Proving Fruitless Then  
ROSE: Not so much fruitless as I can't fucking remember a thing that goes on.  
ROSE: I can probably blame the intoxication for that. For a lot of things, in fact.  
ROSE But everyone seems to prefer me inebriated than in sobriety. Which I can understand, to be honest. You see how crabby I am without it?  
KANAYA: Yes I Have Noticed  
KANAYA: I See No Need For Complete Cessation  
KANAYA: But Perhaps Moderate The Habit  
KANAYA: In Order To Lighten Your Mood  
KANAYA: Yet Leaving You Sufficient Control Over Your Faculties  
ROSE: Moderate amounts might be difficult to obtain, considering the sheer strength of the stuff.  
KANAYA: Perhaps I Could Tweak The Substance Using The Alchemiters  
KANAYA: Modifying The Concentration Rather Than The Flavor  
ROSE: Perhaps.  
ROSE: You do seem oddly determined to keep me drinking.  
KANAYA: As Do You  
ROSE: Yes, that's called addiction.  
KANAYA: Well I Am Aware That Fully Terminating This Addiction Will Cause Problems For You  
KANAYA: Possibly Dangerous Ones And Undoubtably Agonizing Ones  
KANAYA: Hence My Reluctance To Wean You Off Your Drinking Completely Should Be Understandable  
KANAYA: I Will However Endeavor To Minimize Adverse Side-Effects  
KANAYA: For Your Own Safety  
ROSE: Fair point.  
ROSE: Shall we put this into practice, then?  
KANAYA: We Shall

He can't quite grasp what's going on there, but they sound hopeful. Sensing that the gloomy mood in the room is lightening, he decides he doesn't need to worry himself any more and returns full attention to his citizens. After all, with a party promised and recoveries to come, everything's bound to be fine in the end.

Right?


	13. 16:12, December 1: Gamzee Makara

A romantic moment: the Capricorn lies on his back, gazing at the head between the bull horns he holds. Tavros is a constant source of solace for him. Listening to every word, never interrupting or getting ahead of him -- and certainly never whispering commands to kill everyone. That's the puppet's job. And while the puppet may be his direct hotline to the Mirthful Messiahs, sometimes he needs comfort from his own species.

GAMZEE: you're my friend still, yeah?  
TAVROS:  
GAMZEE: YOU HAD BETTER BE!  
GAMZEE: my moirail's all up and hatin on me these days. :o(  
GAMZEE: AND NO ONE ELSE IN THIS PLACE WILL GO NEAR ME.  
GAMZEE: except terezi.  
GAMZEE: AND SHE MOTHERFUCKING HATES ME!  
GAMZEE: the others'll all get their rewards on for their hating in time.  
GAMZEE: RAINBOWS OF THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS' BLOOD RUNNING ALL ACROSS THE SKY.  
GAMZEE: and under that, it'll just be you and me.  
GAMZEE: ME AND YOU.  
GAMZEE: together. :o)  
GAMZEE: LIKE WE WERE ALWAYS MEANT TO BE.  
GAMZEE: what do you think about that, my bro?  
GAMZEE: WHAT DO YOU SAY?  
TAVROS:  
GAMZEE: you'll love it.  
GAMZEE: THE DARK CARNIVAL IS DRAWING NEAR.  
GAMZEE: paradise for us.  
GAMZEE: AND MOTHERFUCKING DOUBLE DEATH FOR EVERYBODY ELSE.  
GAMZEE: won't it be beautiful?  
GAMZEE: JUST  
GAMZEE: mother  
GAMZEE: FUCKING  
GAMZEE: beautiful. :o)

He sits up, cradling the head lovingly and giving it a quick peck on the lips.

GAMZEE: I'M PUTTING YOU AWAY NOW.  
GAMZEE: back home!  
GAMZEE: SLEEP TIGHT.  
GAMZEE: my bro. :o)

He bounces up to pull off the air vent cover, picks up the head by its horns, slots it into the shaft sideways and leaps in after it.

Along he crawls for quite a while, until footsteps halt him fast. Fine-tuned ears recognize Karkat's gait, and he'd rather not have an encounter with him right now.

Silently he stays, hands clapped over his mouth lest he accidentally alert him to his presence --

GAMZEE: HONK.

And he's blown it. Can't control the honks, can he? Even when he needs to, he has to go and let one motherfuckin' slip.

KARKAT: OKAY, GAMZEE.  
KARKAT: I KNOW YOU'RE UP THERE.  
KARKAT: AREN'T YOU MEANT TO TELL ME WHEN YOU SWITCH HIDING PLACES?  
GAMZEE: honk?  
KARKAT: ACTUALLY, I UNDERSTAND WHY YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO TELL ME THESE DAYS.  
KARKAT: WHAT WITH ME BEING A GIGANTIC ASSHOLE TO YOU BEHIND YOUR BACK.  
KARKAT: BUT I NEED TO TALK TO YOU. CAN YOU GET OUT OF THERE FOR A BIT?  
GAMZEE: HONK!  
KARKAT: YEAH, I KNOW.  
KARKAT: LOOK. IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA COME DOWN, CAN YOU AT LEAST STAY PUT FOR A BIT?  
KARKAT: JUST HEAR ME OUT.  
KARKAT: I JUST WANNA SAY  
KARKAT: I'M SORRY.  
KARKAT: SORRY FOR ACTING LIKE A NEWLY-HATCHED NOOKSTAIN TO YOU CONSTANTLY.  
KARKAT: AND SORRY THAT YOU HAD TO READ MY POORLY-JUDGED RANTS.  
KARKAT: I SAY A LOT OF STUPID THINGS WHEN I'M ANGRY. AND WHEN I'M DESPERATE.  
KARKAT: AND I GUESS I WAS JUST SO DESPERATE TO ANTAGONIZE MY PAST SELF  
KARKAT: THAT I'D SAY ANYTHING TO EARN HIS HATE.  
KARKAT: EVEN DENOUNCE THE BEST FRIEND I'VE EVER KNOWN.  
KARKAT: REMEMBER THE EARLY DAYS? SHOOSHPAPPING PALE BROS FOREVER? BEST MOIRAILS ON THE METEOR?  
KARKAT: ONLY MOIRAILS ON THE METEOR, BUT WHATEVER.  
KARKAT: CAN WE GET BACK TO THAT?  
KARKAT: I KNOW I DON'T DESERVE THAT. YOU DON'T DESERVE ME.  
KARKAT: BUT HEY, MOIRALLEGIANCE WORKS BOTH WAYS. YOU COULD EVEN MAKE A HALF-DECENT TROLL OUT OF ME!  
KARKAT: JUST  
KARKAT: CAN WE TRY THIS AGAIN?  
KARKAT: PLEASE?

A few seconds of silence pass.

Gamzee moves on.

Sure, Karkat's been a good bro. But for his masters' dark scheme to be carried out, he's gonna have to die. He doesn't want to see another bro of his dying. And nothing can come before his masters.

Besides, he's still got his other bro. And he's gotta return his head before he starts festering.


	14. 19:21, December 1: Dave Strider

Dave sits cross-legged on the roof of the meteor, his notebook open in front of him and the whole of the Furthest Ring around him. Cracks litter the structure of paradox space, careless and indiscriminate. They've taken their toll on the monsters that lurk here: a river of purple blood drifts past the meteor, streaming from a horrorterror they passed a while back.

He often comes here to think: either to relieve the endless boredom or to get away from the madness that occasionally permeates their tiny community. The empty space is more interesting than one might think: he often traces timelines through the warped spacetime matrix around him -- sometimes to get in contact with those on the ship, sometimes purely as a challenge to occupy his mind a while.

From time to time, the meteor's path crosses with that of an injured resident of the void. He can't believe he feels sorry for these eldritch creatures, yet he does. Pain is pain, after all; having an entire leg or tentacle sliced off must be agony for them. Though there's nothing he can do, he feels like he can comfort them somewhat by showing his sympathy. Even if 'sympathy' just means keeping them company for a while. It probably doesn't do much, but it's better than nothing.

It also gives him a much-needed reminder of why they're there in the first place. Having become so used to the meteor, it sometimes feels to him as if this is just how life is always going to be. But it's not: it'll end, they'll arrive in the new session and he's got to kill the monster who's causing all this. Somehow. At least there'll be some point to his life eventually.

No eldritch beasts here right now, though. And, right now, paradox space is too recursively twisted and folded for even him to decipher -- and it only gets worse from here onwards. He's given up on that, and instead writes his diary. Well, more a written stream of consciousness. It often goes off at tangents, is barely legible in some places and is usually incomprehensible even to him after he's written it. But it passes the time.

diary of dave

1 december 2011

jades birthday today  
kinda wish now i hadnt wished her a happy birthday all the way back when i did  
be nice to do that today but whatever  
havent talked to her in ages  
talked to john though  
hes just the same old loveable doofus  
even if he is getting tired of all this three year journey shit  
all of us are

had to hang up on him though  
cos i found tz all unconscious in the exact same place again  
back from one of her hate dates with killer clown or whatever i guess  
shes not very good at hiding it  
fuck knows why shes kismessing him  
like i can see why shed hate him  
hes like the definition of shitty juggalo jerk  
but all this love-hate stuff i just dont get  
weird

anyway she came round and she was all hungover  
still dont know how you can get hungover from faygo  
i guess if you drink enough of anything  
even that carbonated piss  
but then we did some comics together  
she was happy then so thats all chill  
and were planning a party for my birthday when that comes round  
tho i guess im already sixteen technically?????  
time travel  
but hey if we gave a shit about that wed have missed the chance for a party  
so still fifteen it is

roses birthday too after that  
got a chance to talk to her and she was all crabby and shit like always when shes hungover  
she says she doesnt wanna bother with a party for herself  
gonna spend it with kanaya  
whos gone all creepy vampire/rainbow drinker whatever again  
and weirdly reluctant to stop her drinking so much  
i thought shed be more worried  
i dunno  
species barriers a bitch

but yeah we were setting up some party gear but then tz crashed on a pile of chairs  
sleepin like a baby  
wouldnt that be hella uncomfortable  
i dunno  
its like trolls can sleep on piles of anything  
you give em a pile of ninja throwing stars and theyd be out like a light  
another thing i dont get  
im gonna add that to the list hang on

He turns to the back of the book:

weird things about trolls that im never gonna be able to get my head round

spades quadrant  
clubs quadrant  
basically just quadrants  
why they have faygo and juggalos  
everyone always killing everyone  
crazy blood racism  
troll will smith????  
nic cage posters everywhere  
troll weeaboos wtf  
sleeping in piles of things

He flips the pages back over and continues his scribbled spiel.

speaking of the list  
i had a sort of incident involving the first one on it today  
karkats a messed up guy  
its like i wanna help him or something??????  
but he insists on being an asshole so thats outta the question

least i know why he was all raging now  
like not just random unwarranted hate but full on "we are destined for hate love forever" hate  
it just freaked me out  
so i kicked him  
and then i kissed him  
just to shut him up though  
i thought maybe if he got what he wanted for a bit then hed be happy and stop bothering me??  
i wasnt really thinkin straight  
but yeah then he did shut up at last  
just kinda lay there lookin all sad  
so i took terezi and left

kinda interesting day  
more happened than normal anyway  
hope we get a dream bubble soon  
havent had one of them for a while  
meet up with that rufioh kid again  
he was pretty cool last time i saw him  
man what if we run into a dream bubble on my birthday  
big ghost party  
actually maybe not cos most of those ghosts are tools  
so yeah

ive kinda run outta stuff to write here  
guess ill do some raps or something and go to bed  
wow its like half seven or something  
going to bed this early  
bro would be ashamed  
hes not around any more though so  
yeah  
thats all  
i was never any good at finishing these diary entries  
good thing its private end of entry


	15. 09:41, December 2: Karkat Vantas

He'd fallen asleep in the middle of the movie again, hadn't he?

God _damn_.

He does that quite often these days, probably due to the fact that he's just watching a few in particular again and again. They're familiar, like old friends. They comfort him. Sometimes, they comfort him just a bit too much... hence the falling asleep.

This time, he'd avoided his favourite human flicks -- My Best Friend's Girl and Good Luck Chuck -- and gone straight for the troll classic: In Which Three Lowblooded Trolls Enter Into An Ill-Advised Triangle of Vacillation In An Attempt To Reconcile Their Conflicting Feelings For Each Other, With A Decidedly Unfavourable Outcome For Them All, Though All Is Later Amended; A Highblooded Woman Arrives Partway Through To Win One Of Our Protagonists' Hearts, Yet Instead Finds Love With Another; All Loose Ends Are Resolved By The Denoument In An Unconventional Yet Highly Amusing Manner; Two Moirails Staying Aloof From Ongoing Events Provide Witty Banter And Sarcastic Commentary Throughout, Appearing In Five Intermissions And Conversing Using Slam Poetry Which Some May Find Mildly Offensive Whilst Others Are Likely To Find At Least 30% Of It Entertaining; Also Featuring Two Scenes And A Possible Third Providing Fanservice For Lovers Of Troll Adam Sandler, Who Also Causes A Hilariously Timed And Light-Hearted Incident Early On.

You can't go wrong with the classics.

Falling asleep in the middle of a movie you know and love is always a risky business. Thanks to the mechanisms of dream bubbles, the movie itself is the memory you end up in. Whilst becoming a part of your favourite movie may be fun for a while, things quickly take a turn for the surreal when ghosts of the dead invade your memory and start interacting with your dream constructs.

Karkat did most certainly _not_ enjoy watching an alternate Eridan try asking out Troll Adam Sandler. It completely messed up his favorite ship in the movie.

His memory of this particular movie now sullied for good, Karkat gets up. No messages from Jade awaiting him, nothing really to look forward to. Just...

... a load of banging coming from the food hall? Accompanied by an awful lot of chatter, far too much for the six other people on the meteor to be making. They must be passing through a dream bubble...

God _damn._

He probably has to get up at some point, doesn't he? May as well shift himself, then. Dragging himself off the absurd (but rather comfortable) human bed, he resolves to join them. Hopefully most of the assholes aren't there. He has to do _something_ with his day, after all. And he isn't risking another movie nap. He's had enough memories scarred by that already.

Tiptoeing through the too-bright corridors, he's hoping for a peek through the doors before anyone spots him. It's a forlorn hope: dead alternate selves and dancestors are bustling about all over the place. No matter how stealthy he is, he's bound to bump into one. Soon enough, his attempts to hide from his own dancestor by darting down a corridor lead him straight into a version of himself, sporting deep red clothing and a cape.

ALPHA KARKAT: OH, FUCKING HELL.  
GOD TIER KARKAT: OH, IT'S YOU. ME. WHATEVER.  
GOD TIER KARKAT: HAVING FUN BEING THE REAL, AUTHENTIC KARKAT WHILE I HAVE TO SETTLE FOR BEING BOTH DOOMED AND DEAD??  
ALPHA KARKAT: FUCK YOU, YOU REACHED GOD TIER.  
ALPHA KARKAT: I NEVER GOT THAT!  
ALPHA KARKAT: YOU'RE BETTER OFF THAN ME.  
GOD TIER KARKAT: BETTER OFF? HAHA, YOU REALLY THINK THAT.  
GOD TIER KARKAT: BETTER HAVING TO SLINK AROUND THESE DREAM BUBBLES FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY?  
GOD TIER KARKAT: HAVING TO AVOID ALL THE DOUCHEBAGS OUR ANCESTORS TURNED OUT TO BE.  
GOD TIER KARKAT: YOU KNOW, I PREFERRED IT WHEN THEY WERE JUST A MYTH NO ONE REALLY BELIEVED IN.  
GOD TIER KARKAT: NOW THEY'RE REAL AND DEAD AND FOLLOWING ME AROUND, GIVING ME THINK PAN-MELTING LECTURES ALL THE TIME!  
ALPHA KARKAT: OH GOD, NO.  
ALPHA KARKAT: SERIOUSLY, THAT GUY. JUST BECAUSE WE'RE RELATED, IT DOESN'T MEAN I'M GOING TO LISTEN TO HIS RAMBLING WHENEVER HE PLEASES.  
GOD TIER KARKAT: YOU'VE ONLY GOT HIM WHEN YOU SLEEP OR PASS THROUGH THE DREAM BUBBLES!  
GOD TIER KARKAT: I HAVE HIM *LITERALLY* ALL THE TIME!  
GOD TIER KARKAT: I DON'T THINK HE EVER GETS TIRED OF IT! OR NOTICES THAT I'M GETTING TIRED! WHICH I AM! AND ALREADY WAS TO BEGIN WITH!  
GOD TIER KARKAT: HE COULD PROBABLY SPEND HIS ENTIRE DEATH YABBERING MY HEAR DUCTS OFF!  
GOD TIER KARKAT: I GET THE FEELING THE AFTERLIFE'S PUNISHING ME FOR BEING SUCH A RELENTLESS FAILURE IN MY LIFE.  
ALPHA KARKAT: A FAILURE??????  
ALPHA KARKAT: YOU REACHED! THE FUCKING! GOD TIERS!  
ALPHA KARKAT: YOU'VE GOT ALL SORTS OF AWESOME POWERS, WHILE I'M LEFT MOPING ROUND A METEOR WITH NO FRIENDS AND NOTHING TO DO WITH MY LIFE!  
ALPHA KARKAT: AND IT FUCKING SUCKS!  
GOD TIER KARKAT: _SSSSHHHH!_  
GOD TIER KARKAT: HE IS RIGHT OVER THERE, YOU SEE?  
GOD TIER KARKAT: YOU'LL BRING HIM BACK OVER IF YOU CARRY ON LIKE THAT.  
GOD TIER KARKAT: THEN WE'LL GET SOME KIND OF *DOUBLE SERMON SLASH POORLY DISGUISED INSULT-FEST COMBO* RAMMED DOWN OUR WINDHOLES FOR THE REST OF THE METEOR'S JOURNEY THROUGH THE BUBBLE.  
GOD TIER KARKAT: WELL, YOU WILL.  
GOD TIER KARKAT: I'LL HAVE IT FOR THAT ALL TIME, AND BEYOND.  
GOD TIER KARKAT: BECAUSE HE NEVER. LEAVES ME. ALONE.  
ALPHA KARKAT: IT'D PROBABLY HELP IF YOU SHUT UP AS WELL!  
ALPHA KARKAT: LOOK, LET'S MOVE FURTHER DOWN THIS CORRIDOR.

The alpha Karkat shunts his alternate self along a bit, into a less well-lit area where they're less likely to be spotted.

ALPHA KARKAT: SHOULD BE SAFE HERE.  
GOD TIER KARKAT: I HOPE.  
GOD TIER KARKAT: WE'RE BOTH ALLIED ON HATING THAT ASSHOLE, THEN.  
ALPHA KARKAT: YEAH.  
ALPHA KARKAT: LOOK... YOU KNOW I HATE MYSELF, AND THEREFORE I HATE YOU.  
ALPHA KARKAT: BUT, WELL, I'M SORRY YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT.  
ALPHA KARKAT: NO VERSION OF ME SHOULD HAVE TO ENDURE HIS POLITICAL CORRECTNESS-COATED BRAND OF DOUCHEBAGGERY CONSTANTLY.  
ALPHA KARKAT: NO VERSION OF ANYONE, FOR THAT MATTER.  
GOD TIER KARKAT: I WONDER WHAT IT'D BE LIKE IF IT WAS JUST HIM IN A DREAM BUBBLE WITH ANOTHER VERSION OF HIMSELF?  
GOD TIER KARKAT: WOULD HE JUST TRY AND DUMP THAT ENDLESS GARBAGE ON HIMSELF?  
GOD TIER KARKAT: I BET HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT HALF THE TIME.  
GOD TIER KARKAT: MAYBE THEN HE'D REALIZE HOW MUCH OF AN IMBECILE HE IS!  
ALPHA KARKAT: HAHA, THAT I'D LIKE TO SEE.  
ALPHA KARKAT: YOU NEED TO MAKE THIS HAPPEN AT SOME POINT.  
ALPHA KARKAT: COULD ACTUALLY GET RID OF HIM THEN.  
ALPHA KARKAT: OR AT LEAST ERASE SOME OF THAT SUPERIORITY COMPLEX.  
ALPHA KARKAT: I WONDER WHAT'S UNDER ALL THAT FAUX-SOCIAL JUSTICE STUFF HE'S ALWAYS GIVING US?  
GOD TIER KARKAT: HE STILL SEEMS LIKE A FLAP-FONDLER ANYWAY.  
GOD TIER KARKAT: TAKE THE WAY HE TREATS THEIR MARYAM.  
GOD TIER KARKAT: SHE'S TRYING TO BE NICE TO HIM, LOOKING AFTER HIM AND EVERYTHING, AND HE JUST TELLS HER TO FUCK OFF!  
GOD TIER KARKAT: WELL, NOT IN THOSE EXACT WORDS, OBVIOUSLY. HE COVERS IT ALL UP IN HIS EQUALITY JARGON, TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE HE'S BEING POLITE  
GOD TIER KARKAT: WHEN REALLY HE'S JUST BEING EVEN WORSE THAN USUAL.  
GOD TIER KARKAT: SHE DOESN'T EVEN DESERVE IT. FROM WHAT I'VE SEEN OF HER, SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE'S ONE OF THE ONLY NICE ONES OUT OF ALL OF THEM.  
GOD TIER KARKAT: I'D LIKE TO TALK TO HER? BUT HE DOESN'T LET ME NEAR.  
ALPHA KARKAT: I'VE SEEN HER AROUND, SHE'S NICE. KANAYA REALLY SEEMS TO ADMIRE HER.  
ALPHA KARKAT: HEY, WE COULD GO FIND HER!  
ALPHA KARKAT: THERE'S PROBABLY AT LEAST ONE VERSION OF HER WANDERING AROUND THIS DREAM BUBBLE.  
ALPHA KARKAT: WE COULD GET ADVICE ON HOW TO HANDLE OUR MUTUAL ASSHOLE RELATIVE.  
GOD TIER KARKAT: YEAH, OKAY.

They walk together down the hallway in search of Porrim, continuing to talk all the while. Their conversation is far better than any either Karkat's had in a long time. It even feels as if they might be getting along as friends.

Karkat's finally found a version of himself that he doesn't hate.


	16. 09:53, December 2: Wayward Vagabond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A note on the recent Terezi twist...  
> ... yeah, this is why it was a bad idea to start writing this before we knew the full story of what's been happening on the meteor. I'll keep going, though, I'll just keep Terezi out of it until we've got more details and I figure out what to do with her in this fic. Which may involve going back and editing bits throughout the previous chapters. Just a warning.  
> Anyway, back to the story...

Chair Mountain is growing. Soon, it will reach all the way to the top of the room! Then one brave can will make the daring climb right to the top and plant its flag, claiming Chair Mountain for Can Town!

Equality! Freedom! Democ--

Hey, where'd that chair go?

Picking up his communication device, he writes out a message for the unfamiliar troll leaving the room:

excuse me, madam lady troll, but may i ask where you are going with my chair?  
DAMARA: 巨乳乱交。セックスがたくさん。  
i must kindly request that you speak in a manner which i can understand!  
DAMARA: BIG PARTY. LOTS FUN.  
this sounds to be a fascinating occasion! may i come?  
DAMARA: あなた兼でしょう。  
pardon?  
DAMARA: YES. YOU COME. ALL INVITED.  
i am profusely grateful! i intend to see you at the event!  
DAMARA: チェスの男。あなたは私だけを見ることはできません。  
DAMARA: チェス盤を横切って私をファック。対角線連れていってください。  
may i kindly request that you repeat that?  
DAMARA: PARTY GOOD. SEE YOU!  
and you, madam troll!

Cheered up by this friendly discourse, the Wayward Vagabond decides to investigate this party further. Calling the conquering of Chair Mountain off for another day, he makes his way out to the food hall nearby.

And what does he see inside? 

_Chaos._

DAMARA: I BRING CHAIR.  
DAVE: thanks  
DAVE: you do know we have literally about two hundred of those things now right  
DAMARA: 私はあなたの肛門までの椅子の脚を突き出すよ。  
DAVE: uh  
DAVE: didnt catch that sorry  
DAMARA: サングラスの少年、椅子の上にハードファックミー。  
DAVE: do what  
DAMARA: ^.^  
DAVE: whatever  
DAVE: just add it to the pile then along with all the others  
DAVE: speaking of the pile  
MITUNA: 5FDLUJKN853RN53  
MITUNA: H4LP M33  
DAVE: again  
DAVE: seriously  
DAVE: hey you  
DAVE: the one who isnt terezi  
DAVE: can you help here  
LATULA: sur3 th1ng bo1!  
LATULA: h3y tunz, don't worry! th1s grls h3r3 to g3t you r1ght outt4 th3r3! >8D  
MITUNA: 7H4NK  
KURLOZ: :o)  
DAVE: what now  
DAVE: what is it with you always standing in my way  
KURLOZ: :o)  
DAVE: kinda need to go through there at some point  
KURLOZ: :o)  
MITUNA: 5RJFY7UHKLH5HFGDJFK  
MITUNA: WH3R55 MY H4ML3337HH  
LATULA: 4w no b4b3z! you ok?  
MITUNA: N0 N0 N0 N0 N0  
LATULA: h3y, g1mm3 4 hug!  
LATULA: m4k3 you f33l b3tt3r, y34h?  
MITUNA: 1 W4NK MY H4LM37 84444CK  
LATULA: y34h, w3ll g3t you th4t r4d1c4l h3lm3t b4ck!  
KURLOZ: :o)  
DAVE: what even is the point of you doing this  
DAVE: are you just standing in my way to be annoying  
KURLOZ: :o)  
DAVE: thats it  
DAVE: no other reason  
KURLOZ: :o)  
DAVE: so ok youre just being an asshole  
DAVE: why am i not surprised by this  
DAVE: must run in the family  
LATULA: ssh b4b3.  
LATULA: you f33l1ng b3tt3r now?  
MITUNA: 0K4Y  
LATULA: y3334h bro! g1mm3 5!  
LATULA: but not too h4rd.  
LATULA: y34h!!!  
KURLOZ: :o)  
DAVE: god dammit will you move already  
KURLOZ: :o)  
DAVE: fuck it  
DAVE: you win then  
LATULA: h3y bro!!  
LATULA: you s33n tun4s r4d h3lm3t????  
DAVE: wasnt it over there  
DAVE: next to where --  
DAVE: oh shit you again  
CRONUS: say, youre a real cool cat.  
CRONUS: need a date for tomorrowv?  
DAVE: oh hell no  
DAVE: look i aint got time for this bullshit  
DAVE: time out  
CRONUS: wvhat did i say?  
KURLOZ: :o)

Dave strides out, his cape brushing past the Mayor as he's leaving. Noticing this, he turns to him:

DAVE: you dont wanna go in there man  
DAVE: really  
DAVE: go play can town or something  
DAVE: pretty much all thats in there is the douchelympics  
DAVE: and theres some pretty hot competition this year

The Mayor nods, knowing it's generally a good idea to take Dave's advice, and returns to his room.

Back to Chair Mountain, then.


	17. 10:08, December 2: Rose Lalonde

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, the edit I warned of last chapter has been completed. Basic summary is:  
> Chapters 6 and 7 have been edited substantially, in light of the recent updates, and you could probably do with re-reading them. If you want to.  
> Chapters 3 and 10 have also been edited, for the same reasons, but the changes have been minimal -- a sentence or two added here or there.  
> Chapters 5 and 8 have been polished a little, to improve general consistency and the like -- only miniscule edits, though.  
> But yeah, that's all. Anyway, enjoy!

_Her Hands Are In My Service But They Still Shake_   
_They Unfasten The First Button At My Corsets Waist Clumsily_   
_I Have Masked The Line Between My Puppeteering And Her Volition Exquisitely And Her Uncertainty Over Her Own Control Fuels Her Fear_

Rose could swear she's read these lines almost word-for-word a number of times now. Probably reaching into the double digits. Either Kanaya's getting really lazy with the translation, or these books are literally just copies of the same scenario, only with marginally different characters.

She skims along a bit further. Yes, it continues the exact same way. Checking the cover confirms that it is a different book she's reading, not just the same one over and over again.

Finally able to see exactly what Karkat meant by how trashy these books were, she shuts it in utter apathy. While this particular scene may have been rather titillating on the first read, it soon wears thin. Same old "edgy cerulean mind-control" shtick, again? Please. Anything new? At all? No? Okay.

If not even her beloved steamy romance novels are going to occupy her, what is she to do?

Rose needs a drink.

Sighing, she lifts herself up and opens the door --

MEULIN: \\(=^..^)/ < 333333333!!!  
ROSE: No.

And she slams it back closed.

Dream bubble. How scintillating. Being trapped in your room by a squealing fangirl cat-troll is _exactly_ the right remedy for this restlessness.

Well, she has to leave at some point. Resolved to brave the shipper, she takes a few minutes to compose herself, then flings the door open once more:

MEULIN: (=｀ω’=) < ARE YOU GOING TO S33 KANAYA???  
MEULIN: (=^･ω･^=) < BECLAWS I SHIP ROSEMARY 4EFUR!  
MEULIN: (^._.^) NO...  
MEULIN: (^・o・^) 5EFUR!!!!!!!!!  
ROSE: Oh dear Lord.  
ROSE: You're giving us portmanteau couple names now?  
ROSE: Rosemary being Rose/Maryam, I presume.  
MEULIN: (=^･ω･^=) < YES YES YES!!!  
MEULIN: \\(=^‥^)/ < AND ARE THINGS...  
MEULIN: \\(=^‥^)/ < GETTING...  
MEULIN: └(=^‥^=)┐ < SPICY?????????  
ROSE: Rosemary is a herb.  
MEULIN: (^・_・^) < OH.  
MEULIN: (=^･ω･^) < STILL TASTY!  
ROSE: I don't have time for this. Goodbye.  
MEULIN: (^・o・^)ノ < NO NO NO! WAIT!!!  
ROSE: What.  
MEULIN: (=^・ω・^=) < I HEAR YOU LIKE READING! (=｀ω’=)  
ROSE: What of it?  
MEULIN: (=^‥^=) < I HAVE SOME FICS YOU MIGHT LIKE!  
MEULIN: ~(=^‥^)ノ < THEY GAVE ME SO MANY F33LS WHEN I WROTE THEM!!!  
MEULIN:  
  
MEULIN: (=；ェ；=) < BUT NOBODY EFUR WANTS TO READ THEM (=TωT=)  
ROSE: In which case, I may as well.  
ROSE: As luck would have it, you came across me at the precise moment when I was finding myself in need of some new reading material.  
MEULIN:  
  


The bouncy girl hands her some journals, which Rose greets with a trying-to-be-grateful smile and captchalogues.

ROSE: Thank you.  
ROSE: Now, would you care to abscond? I can't say I'm in the best of moods.  
MEULIN: (^・_・^)ノ < OKAY.  
MEULIN: (=^･ω･^) < I HOPE YOU LIKE THE FRIENDFIC!!!  
ROSE: ... Friendfic...  
ROSE: Goodbye.  
MEULIN: ~(=^‥^)ノ < BY333333333!!!

Making sure she closes her door, Rose vacates that situation as quickly as she can.

Hopefully no similar situations would befall her between here and the common room.


	18. 10:12, December 2: Terezi Pyrope

::::o)

Of all the blood he could use, it has to be Vriska's. Just driving the guilt home with every clown face dripping from the wall.

He's moved, then. They both know the code: spider clown face where his hiding place was last means it's time for another moronic game of hide-and-seek.

She looks around for clues.

TEREZI: WH3R3 H4V3 YOU GON3 TH1S T1M3, J3RK4SS?

D --> :o)

The arrow points to an air vent up near the low ceiling. Terezi is _not_ in the mood for crawling right now, but her sickened compulsion to see Gamzee can't be denied. Cursing the man and his unbreakable hold on her, she swallows her dignity, leaps up into the shaft and squeezes her way down.

}:o)

The bull clown face is painted on an intersection, down the path to the right. Along the sides are scratches and scrapes, with chips of yellow horn scattered about. Must be hard, taking that enormously-horned head through the air ducts.

She knows he likes to kiss that thing. Just another reason for disgust to add to the endless list.

She almost bumps into the vent cover. As much as she regrets regaining the use of her eyes, she's been using them far too much lately; her nose isn't as sharp as it used to be.

TEREZI: FOUND YOU  
GAMZEE: SHOW YOURSELF THEN, MOTHERFUCKER.  
GAMZEE: we got some plans to discuss.

She shoves the grate loose and tries to climb out without falling flat on her face. She doesn't quite succeed.

TEREZI: OW!  
GAMZEE: HEH HEH.  
TEREZI: YOU COULD H4V3 H3LP3D M3!  
GAMZEE: why?  
GAMZEE: WHY WOULD I WANT TO HELP A MOTHERFUCKER LIKE YOU?  
GAMZEE: that'd be pity.  
GAMZEE: YOU DON'T DESERVE MY MOTHER FUCKING PITY.  
GAMZEE: only my beautiful hate. :o)  
TEREZI: FUCK OFF  
GAMZEE: NOW THAT'S WHAT I LIKE TO SEE!  
GAMZEE: but we got plans to make.  
GAMZEE: GOTTA GET OUR MOTHERFUCKING COLLABORATIVE CONSPIRE ON, BITCH.  
TEREZI: COULD YOU 4T L34ST G1V3 M3 MY DR4GON C4P3 B4CK?  
TEREZI: 1 H4D TO PR3T3ND TO B3 4SL33P FOR 4G3S TO H1D3 MY 3Y3S >:o[  
GAMZEE: why don't you reveal them?  
GAMZEE: GET YOUR FUCKIN SECRETIVE SHIT ALL DONE WITH.  
GAMZEE: or are you too much of a coward? :o)  
TEREZI: 1TD B3 TOO H4RD TO 3XPL41N  
TEREZI: 1 COULDNT DO TH4T W1THOUT 3V3RYON3 F1ND1NG OUT 4BOUT OUR BL4CKROM!  
TEREZI: OR 4T L34ST WORK1NG 1T OUT  
TEREZI: 1 KNOW YOU DONT W4NT TH4T H4PP3N1NG  
GAMZEE: MOTHER FUCK NO.  
GAMZEE: forget that.  
GAMZEE: WE GOTTA FUCK THIS PLACE UP.  
GAMZEE: i hear you're planning a party.  
TEREZI: Y34H  
TEREZI: HOW D1D YOU F1ND OUT 4BOUT TH4T?  
GAMZEE: JUST CAUGHT THE MOTHER FUCKING WORD.  
GAMZEE: when i was crawling around up in those vents.  
GAMZEE: NOT MOTHER FUCKING DEAF, AM I?  
GAMZEE: i'm not pathetic enough for a disability.  
GAMZEE: UNLIKE HOW YOU USED TO BE.  
TEREZI: 1 CH4NG3D TH4T  
GAMZEE: one sane decision you've ever made.  
TEREZI: 1M NOT SUR3 ABOUT TH4T...  
GAMZEE: YOU'RE MADDER THAN ALL I FUCKING AM.  
GAMZEE: i fixed my eating of that fuckin slime, and i'm happy i did.  
GAMZEE: LOOK AT ME NOW.  
GAMZEE: never been better.  
TEREZI: ...  
GAMZEE: BUT YOU COULDN'T EVEN SEE SHIT!  
GAMZEE: so you finally got a little sense in that think pan and fixed it up.  
GAMZEE: AND NOW YOU'RE SOBBING LIKE A LITTLE WIGGLER ALL ABOUT IT!  
GAMZEE: i heard that too.  
GAMZEE: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I STAY WITH YOU.  
GAMZEE: you're a useless, pathetic excuse for a troll.  
GAMZEE: CALL YOURSELF A MIND PLAYER?  
GAMZEE: wouldn't be surprized if all you have up in that think pan of yours is just a load of faygo sloshing around.  
TEREZI: YOU S41D YOU H34RD 4BOUT TH3 P4RTY?  
GAMZEE: HEARD YOU AND THAT STRIDER FUCKER GETTING THINGS READY.  
TEREZI: HOW MUCH DO YOU H34R?  
GAMZEE: why would i tell you that?  
GAMZEE: NOT YOUR MOTHER FUCKING BUSINESS WHAT GOES INTO MY HEAR DUCTS.  
GAMZEE: so i'm not making it yours.  
GAMZEE: IT STAYS IN MY THINK PAN ALONE.  
TEREZI: WHY C4NT YOU L3T WH4T W3 S4Y ST4Y 1N OURS?  
GAMZEE: you really couldn't think about anything to save that worthless life of yours, could you?  
GAMZEE: IT'S FOR THE MIRTHFUL MESSIAHS.  
GAMZEE: our mirthful messiahs.  
GAMZEE: I GOTTA BE GETTING MY MOTHER FUCKING VIGILANCE ON.  
GAMZEE: to make sure i know every little thing that's going down on this place.  
GAMZEE: SO WHEN IT COMES DOWN TO IT  
GAMZEE: i know exactly what to do to beat everyone best. :o)  
TEREZI: D3V1OUS MOTH3RFUCK3R  
GAMZEE: THAT'S MOTHER FUCKING RIGHT, BITCH!  
GAMZEE: now let's all up and start our sabotage already.  



	19. 10:19, December 2: Kanaya Maryam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Sorry for the mountains of green text. The typing quirks make it easier to tell who's saying what -- but if you're finding it hard to distinguish, try pressing F3 and set it to find either KANAYA: or PORRIM:, then "Highlight all".)

Struts and supports shore up the walls here -- if you can call them walls. The lights don't reach back this far; her glow illuminates the surrounding area. She gets a sense that this part of the building was never quite finished.

She might actually have explored the entirety of the tunnel complex at last. It's only taken her over a sweep.

Kanaya needs time away from the chaos unfolding in the common room and food hall. The dancestors are fully engaged in their usual habit of being utterly overwhelming, and overwhelmed she is. She figures there are sufficient people there to set up the party -- she can afford to abscond for a minute or two.

Or, as it seems to be right now, an hour or two. Well, all the more time to think. And the situation with Rose gives her plenty of food for thought.

Another glow making its way through the tunnels draws her eye. The same rainbow drinker glow as hers -- almost. Darkened swirls create elegant patterns on the sphere of light. Her eye follows the swirls to their source: tattoos adorning a woman's figure. This particular figure, she's relieved to see.

PORRIM: I think I'm lo+st.  
PORRIM: Kankri started sulking and scarpered a while ago+. No+w I'm trying to+ lo+o+k fo+r him.  
PORRIM: But this place is impo+ssible to+ navigate! I must have wandered do+wn the wro+ng co+rrido+r.  
PORRIM: Fo+r a space player, I seem to+ be pretty terrible at getting aro+und this particular space.  
KANAYA: Ive Never Been Down This Way Before  
KANAYA: Im Sorry But I Cannot Assist Here  
PORRIM: That's alright. We'll find o+ur way o+ut to+gether.  
PORRIM: Yo+u're my dancesto+r, aren't yo+u?  
KANAYA: Yes  
PORRIM: And, I'm assuming fro+m the living eyes, the alpha timeline versio+n.  
PORRIM: I've never met the living yo+u. No+t this versio+n o+f me, anyway.  
PORRIM: But all yo+ur dead selves I've enco+untered co+me o+ff as genuinely go+o+d-natured, despite sweeps in the afterlife.  
PORRIM: As yo+u'll undo+ubtably have seen with my friends, death can turn anyo+ne single-minded and even bo+rderline insane.  
PORRIM: Yo+u are to+ be co+mmended.  
KANAYA: Yes I Have Observed The Same With You  
KANAYA: By Which I Am Referring To The Good Nature And Not Insanity  
PORRIM: Yes, I've made my best effo+rts to+ remain steadfastly _no+t_ insane thro+ugho+ut these dream bubbles.  
PORRIM: It seems to+ be a Maryam trait.  
PORRIM: Tho+ugh yo+u...  
PORRIM: I see yo+u're wo+rried so+mewhat.  
KANAYA: Worried  
PORRIM: Yes, I can tell. The way yo+u ho+ld yo+urself, yo+u're no+t quite as self-assured as I've seen yo+u to+ be befo+re.  
PORRIM: Anything I can help with?  
KANAYA: Well  
KANAYA: There Is Something  
KANAYA: Please Dont Make Any Judgements About This  
KANAYA: I Assure You I Know I Am In The Wrong  
KANAYA: Its Just  
KANAYA: Im Having Trouble With My Matesprit  
KANAYA: She Is Human  
KANAYA: And Henceforth Having Human Problems  
KANAYA: Do You Think You Will Be Able To Help With This  
PORRIM: I'm no+t so+ kno+wledgeable o+n humans, but I've had my fair share o+f matesprit tro+uble.  
PORRIM: Go+ o+n, then. I'll see what I can do+.  
KANAYA: She Has Become Dependent On A Human Soporific Substance  
KANAYA: Though It Often Alleviates Her Mood It Can Be A Hinderance Once Consumed In Excess  
KANAYA: The Aftereffects In Particular Are Undesirable To Say The Least  
KANAYA: But I Am Wary Of Helping Too Much Lest My Advances Be Seen As Pale Instead  
KANAYA: I Have Previously Made The Mistake Of Soliciting A Potential Matesprit In A Manner That Seems More In Line With Moirallegiance  
KANAYA: I Believe My Current Matesprit Is Truly My Perfect Match  
KANAYA: Despite The Species Difference  
KANAYA: Though She Can Commonly Be Condescending She Seems To View Me As An Intellectual Equal  
KANAYA: And I Do Likewise  
KANAYA: However This Is Not So When She Has Imbibed Her Liquids And Become Scatterbrained And Silly  
KANAYA: I Just Do Not Think It Is A Good State For Her To Be In  
KANAYA: I Think Ive Gone On Long Enough  
KANAYA: Sorry But This Subject Has Been Playing On My Mind  
KANAYA: Is There Any Way In Which You Can Assist  
PORRIM: That is a dilemma yo+u've go+t there.  
PORRIM: Well, I can't say I kno+w to+o+ much abo+ut humans.  
PORRIM: Ho+wever... do+n't they o+nly have the flushed quadrant?  
KANAYA: Yes Though Rose Is Rather Open-Minded  
PORRIM: Even so+, I do+ubt yo+u'd have to+ wo+rry abo+ut co+ming o+ff as pale.  
PORRIM: If she is incapable o+f experiencing pale feelings, ho+w co+uld she kno+w that it might be seen as that?  
KANAYA: She Could Have Assimilated The Knowledge From Having Spent Over A Sweep With Trolls  
KANAYA: I Dont Know I Just Fret About These Things Needlessly  
KANAYA: I Guess You Are Right And I Am Just Being Pointlessly Pessimistic  
KANAYA: Even So  
KANAYA: Putting The Murky Territory Of Moirallegiance To The Side  
KANAYA: She Seems So Happy When She Is Inebriated  
KANAYA: I Could Very Easily Be Irritating Her  
KANAYA: Bugging And Fussing And Meddling Like I Am Always Told I Do  
KANAYA: I Just Want Us To Be Happy  
PORRIM: Take it fro+m ano+ther Maryam: helping always helps.  
PORRIM: No+t intervening may keep her happier in the sho+rt term, but it so+unds like yo+u view it as a pro+blem.  
PORRIM: I wo+uld suggest so+lving it as best yo+u can, so+ yo+u can return to+ being equals the way yo+u used to+ be.  
PORRIM: But it's up to+ yo+u.  
PORRIM: She's yo+ur matesprit, no+t mine.  
KANAYA: I Am Still Cautious But I Will Take Your Advice On Board  
KANAYA: Thank You For Talking About This With Me  
PORRIM: It's no+ pro+blem. I'll help yo+u any time.  
KANAYA: I Do Hope We Meet Up Again In The Dream Bubbles  
KANAYA: Encounters With You Are Invariably Pleasant  
KANAYA: The Same Cannot Be Said For Many Of The Others On Your Team I Am Afraid  
PORRIM: Do+n't wo+rry abo+ut them, yo+u do+n't have to+ deal with meeting them fo+r much lo+nger.  
KANAYA: You Do  
PORRIM: I'll be fine. I've lasted this lo+ng, I'll last an eternity lo+nger.  
PORRIM: Until Lo+rd English co+mes and slaughters my gho+st, o+f co+urse.  
KANAYA: I Do Hope You Will Manage To Avoid That  
PORRIM: No+ need fo+r false ho+pe. I've co+me to+ accept it as inevitable.  
PORRIM: That way, it'll be easier to+ deal with when it do+es eventually happen.  
KANAYA: That Is A Rather Depressing Outlook  
KANAYA: Perhaps It Is For The Best Though  
KANAYA: I Have Come To Accept Something Too And It Is That Your Wisdom Is Generally Better Than Mine  
PORRIM: Do+n't be so+ hard o+n yo+urself. Yo+u've go+t a lo+ng way to+ go+ yet.  
PORRIM: I spent nine sweeps in the game and co+untless mo+re in dream bubbles, I've had plenty o+f time to+ develo+p my wisdo+m.  
PORRIM: Yo+urs is rather advanced fo+r yo+ur age.  
KANAYA: Thank You  
KANAYA: Wait Did You Hear That  
PORRIM: What?  
KANAYA: Voices

Falling silent for a while, they do indeed hear voices -- the same voice, in fact, seeming to be having a conversation with itself.

PORRIM: That so+unds like Kanny, practising o+ne o+f his self-righteo+us mo+no+lo+gues.

The voice becomes louder, echoing through the tunnels: 

ALPHA KARKAT: EXCUSE ME? HOW DARE YOU COMPARE ME TO THAT JUDGEMENTAL ASSHOLE!  
KANAYA: No That Is Definitely The Other Vantas  
PORRIM: Kankri's yo+ung dancesto+r, then? I've yet to+ meet him.  
KANAYA: Well I Find Him A Lot More Agreeable Than Kankri To Be Perfectly Honest  
KANAYA: How About You See For Yourself


	20. 10:25, December 2: Gamzee Makara

There's no privacy for anyone when Gamzee's playing spy. Over a sweep on this place has made him well-accustomed to the various vantage points in the air ducts, and he's making full use of them now.

Meticulous eyes scan the corridors, ensuring all goes to plan. Can't take any chances here, not with his servants at work.

Pyrope's by his side, waiting in frustration for him to send her down. He likes that. Her antsiness gives him a black joy; she'll be almost squirming soon. If he didn't have a task for her, he'd consider keeping her waiting just to see that happen.

Movement catches his eye. Someone leaving the common room -- no, almost flying out. Literally flying out, in fact. A ghost Eridan is knocked backwards through the doors, crackling with energy blue and red. He doesn't need to be a Seer to know that Sollux will be following soon afterwards; surely enough, he does. Two of him. No wonder Eridan didn't stand a chance... and, for that matter, no wonder Kanaya stormed out in such a hurry earlier.

Coast cleared. Time to get the kismebitch on the scene.

GAMZEE: honk.  
TEREZI: OK4Y!  
GAMZEE: GET YOUR MOTHERFUCKING MOVE ON.  
TEREZI: 1 4M!  
GAMZEE: not fast enough.  
GAMZEE: YOU'LL BE CAUGHT IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR LAZY ASS DOWN THERE.  
TEREZI: 1M MOV1NG OK4Y? >:[

She drops to the floor ungracefully before he can get another wound in.

Off she goes, preparing to wreak the righteous work in the name of the Messiahs. Meanwhile, someone else has a report to give. Activating his chucklevoodoos, he does exactly that:

KURLOZ: HAIL MY DARK MIRACULOUS BRO. I HAVE THE WICKEDEST STORIES TO DROP OF OUR MOTHERFUCKIN MIRTHFUL MACHINATIONS --  
GAMZEE: make it quick, motherfucker.  
GAMZEE: DID HE FIND IT OR DIDN'T HE?  
KURLOZ: I SLAMMED DOWN HIS HERETIC-ASS ATTEMPTS TO THWART OUR FUCKIN PLANS, FAITHBROTHER.  
GAMZEE: good.  
GAMZEE: NOW FUCK OFF.  
KURLOZ: PREACH.

He turns his attention back to guarding Terezi just in time to notice a disgruntled Rose's approach. Quickly, he lets loose the warning signal:

GAMZEE: honk.  
ROSE: !

Her brief apprehension gives Terezi time to cover her tracks. Shrugging it off, Rose enters the common room.

TEREZI: OH  
TEREZI: H1  
ROSE: Ugh...  
ROSE: Well, at least you're still willing to greet me, even after yesterday. I appreciate that.  
ROSE: In hindsight, I was needlessly harsh.  
ROSE: But you must realize that you have to break this off with him, for everyone's good.

A measured silence. Terezi must know he's still listening. Perhaps Rose guessed as much too, and is putting her on the spot to force her opinion into the open.

Whether that's true or not, a lot hinges on her reply for both of them.

TEREZI: W3LL T4LK 4BOUT TH1S L4T3R

Mother FUCK.

ROSE: That's what you said last time. And now is later.  
TEREZI: BL4R  
TEREZI: 1 M34N  
TEREZI: L4T3R L4T3R >:/  
TEREZI: NOWS NOT 4 GOOD T1M3  
TEREZI: OK?

The measured silence returns. Gamzee wishes he could see into the common room itself -- he's probably missing all the body language and non-verbal subtext that would make him suddenly understand everything. He'll have to press Terezi about this later... yeah, as if SHE'D reveal to HIM what was really going on.

ROSE: I'll accept that. But there has to actually be a later later.  
TEREZI: TH3R3 W1LL B3!  
TEREZI: SO  
TEREZI: WH4T BR1NGS YOU H3R3 >:]  
ROSE: I'm not actually sure. I guess I just wandered over in the hopes of actual socialization, to get me out of this slump.  
ROSE: Normally I'd be going straight for the booze in a situation like this. But I'm trying to hold off at the moment.  
TEREZI: 1F YOUR3 LOOK1NG FOR K4N4Y4 SH3 L3FT 4 WH1L3 B4CK  
TEREZI: SH3 W4S G3TT1NG 4LL WORK3D UP BY TH3S3 D34D P3OPL3S 4NT1CS  
ROSE: I'd sound surprised, but I'm really not. I have met them, after all.  
TEREZI: SH3 L3FT TH4T W4Y 1F YOU W4NT TO GO 4FT3R H3R  
ROSE: I think I'll leave her for a bit.  
ROSE: How goes the party preparation?  
TEREZI: 4LL GOOD  
TEREZI: 1TS GO1NG TO B3 ON3 H3LL OF 4 P4RTY  
ROSE: I bet it will be.  
ROSE: Is that... on the table...  
TEREZI: 1 POUR3D OUT SOM3 OF YOUR STUFF FOR YOU  
TEREZI: 1 WOULD H4V3 US3D 1T 4S 4 SORT OF SORRY G1FT 1F YOU H4DNT S41D SORRY F1RST  
ROSE: Aww, Terezi. You shouldn't have.  
ROSE: Really, you shouldn't, it's not a good habit.  
ROSE: But I suppose a little wouldn't hurt. As long as I keep it under control. I could do with a little pick-me-up.  
ROSE: Which type is it, by the way?  
TEREZI: 1 JUST P1CK3D TH3 ON3 W1TH TH3 R3D L4B3L  
ROSE: In other words, the extra-strong one. Even I don't regularly approach that one.  
ROSE: But it's almost my birthday, and I'm only having a little anyway. Why not?

There's the grin back on his face. She'll be incapacitated before long, unable to obstruct this in any way. He marks this down as A Good Thing in his head before that motherfuckin guilt has a chance to sneak up like a laughsassin to up and steal his malicious miracles away.

He reckons he can tune out for a while: they're unlikely to be talking about anything useful to him. Especially with Rose drinking all that disgusting swill. Maybe she'll let something slip later, but it's not as if there's much on this meteor he doesn't know about.

Though he may serve his own masters, he's the master of this realm and the dark carnival it will end up being tomorrow.

He has a feeling it's going to be a good day.


	21. 10:23, December 2: Dave Strider

DAVE: im gonna start droppin stuff so you better bewares  
DAVE: drop it down these steps here  
DAVE: i warned you bout stairs  
DAVE: gonna drop it like its hot  
DAVE: drop it faster than a shot  
DAVE: its hurtin you a lot so to drop it you got  
DAVE: just  
DAVE: put that shit down  
DAVE: drop it on the clown  
DAVE: make him get his mirthful ass right outta this town  
DAVE: he says honk  
DAVE: well i say bonk  
DAVE: bonk his head with the drop so he shuts shop  
DAVE: got no shit left to drop now  
DAVE: guess im gonna stop now  
DAVE: yeah

The Mayor stares at him.

DAVE: howd you like that

Still staring.

DAVE: youve gone and lost that thing you write your messages on havent you

He nods.

DAVE: dont worry man ill get you a new one  
DAVE: or would do if all the dead trolls would get off the alchemiters  
DAVE: no idea what the fuck theyre even doing most of them  
DAVE: but it sure aint party preparation  
DAVE: that was like the only reason we let em in here and now theyre doing  
DAVE: well  
DAVE: pretty much everything except that  
DAVE: this partys gonna turn out awesome  
DAVE: like from what im overhearing going on in there im pretty sure one of those guys just made like fifty skateboards  
DAVE: and it dont stop  
DAVE: half the party tomorrows just gonna be diggin through all those fuckin skateboards to actually get to anything  
DAVE: skateboard flood  
DAVE: welcome to the skateboardpocalypse  
DAVE: hey you could welcome them as new citizens of can town

Having tuned out very nearly all of Dave's ramblings, the Mayor instantly perks up at the mention of Can Town.

DAVE: yeah can town  
DAVE: hey  
DAVE: you could make a skateboard town or somethin  
DAVE: hows that

His response is the Mayor leaping up and chalking up plans for this all over the walls.

DAVE: yeah thought so  
DAVE: ill leave you to it

Checking first for any rogue dancestors, Dave quickly slips out to the corridor. Maybe the common room'd be free now. And so he begins his stealth mission, ducking and diving into alcoves and side branches to hide from anyone approaching.

He even plays the Mission Impossible theme in his head. Ironically, of course.

Too occupied by his (ironically) awesome hyper-dramatic mission, he doesn't even notice the sound of six sets of metallic steps until he nearly crashes into their source.

DAVE: whoa hey  
DAVE: so  
DAVE: robots  
DAVE: hi  
DAVE: ruf??  
DAVE: is that you  
DAVE: or one of you  
RUFIOH: yeah... h1...  
DAVE: hows it going handsome  
RUFIOH: not bad...  
DAVE: cool  
DAVE: gotta ask you something dude  
DAVE: might come off a bit rude or whatever  
DAVE: but theres something i gotta know  
RUFIOH: that's cool, shoot.  
DAVE: why the fuck are you a robot horse  
RUFIOH: haha, uh... long story...  
DAVE: is that all im gettin  
RUFIOH: yeah, 1 don't really wanna talk about 1t...  
DAVE: cool  
DAVE: and you  
DAVE: other robot  
DAVE: you look like that time fairy troll girl  
DAVE: what was her name  
DAVE: aradio  
ARADIA: she is aradia  
ARADIA: i AM her  
ARADIA: and if y0u think differently then we can find 0ut what c0l0r bl00d humans have  
RUFIOH: whoa, doll... no need to be so harsh on h1m...  
DAVE: yeah  
DAVE: okay  
DAVE: youre aradia then  
DAVE: sure  
ARADIA: g00d  
DAVE: sup then you two  
RUFIOH: noth1ng much... we're on a date...  
DAVE: wow  
RUFIOH: what?  
DAVE: all you dead trolls ever seem to do is date each other forever  
DAVE: that and mess up my birthday preparation  
DAVE: i mean yeah i can see why people would want to date you ruf  
DAVE: but seriously  
DAVE: what is it with all the 24/7 dating  
DAVE: and what made you think this piece of shit meteor would be a good romantic destination  
ARADIA: we had n0 ch0ice in the matter  
ARADIA: we had t0 g0 here  
ARADIA: y0ur c0llisi0n with the dream bubble made it necessary  
RUFIOH: yeah... b1t dull 1n here...  
ARADIA: im 0k with it  
DAVE: cool  
DAVE: could you two like  
DAVE: guard me??  
DAVE: i dont wanna disrupt your date  
DAVE: but at the same time i dont wanna bump into any more of your asshole friends  
RUFIOH: ne1ther do we...  
DAVE: but if we do youre probably better at dealing with them than i am  
RUFIOH: yeah... not much, though...  
RUFIOH: you okay w1th that, arad1a?  
ARADIA: what d0 y0u think  
RUFIOH: r1ght, gotcha...  
DAVE: can i ride you  
RUFIOH: what?!  
DAVE: i mean  
DAVE: youre a horse  
DAVE: and ridings easier than walking  
DAVE: that ok with you  
RUFIOH: sure...

They walk on, with Rufioh and Aradia trying their best to continue their date in his presence:

RUFIOH: so doll... you seen troll sa1lor moon?  
ARADIA: n0  
RUFIOH: not even once?  
ARADIA: n0  
ARADIA: i t0ld y0u  
ARADIA: i d0nt watch tr0ll anime  
RUFIOH: we could watch 1t together?  
ARADIA: i d0nt want t0 watch tr0ll anime either  
RUFIOH: d*mn, g1rl...  
RUFIOH: 1 thought you'd love all th1s sh*t! see1ng as you're just l1ke damara...  
ARADIA: 0h am i  
ARADIA: is that it then  
ARADIA: y0ure dating me because i l00k like y0ur ex girlfriend  
RUFIOH: no! 1, uh...

Dave suddenly wishes he wasn't here.

The appearance of Karkat's dancestor directly in front of them does nothing to help with this.

KANKRI: Human 69y, I find y9ur c9nduct in this situati9n very pr96lematic. D9n't y9u realize that y9ur silence t9wards these r969ts c9uld 6e seen as c9ndescending? It suggests that y9u d9 n9t see them w9rthy 9f engaging in c9nversati9n with, and hencef9rth it seems that y9u view them t9 6e 9f l9wer status than y9u are. May6e y9ur human mind isn't advanced en9ugh t9 6e fully a6le t9 grasp this c9ncept, 6ut d9 y9u think y9u c9uld engage in c9nversati9n with them m9re than y9u are already in 9rder t9 eliminate the chance 9f any accidental discriminati9n?   
DAVE: dude what   
KANKRI: And Rufi9h, d9n't think I didn't hear the end 9f that c9nversati9n y9u were having with Damara's r969tic dancest9r here. Th9ugh any9ne w9uld 6e priveliged t9 date s9me9ne as truly desira6le as y9u, even th9ugh this iterati9n 9f y9urself is trapped in this hein9us r969tic 69dy, ch99sing t9 date the dancest9r 9f y9ur ex-girlfriend may c9me 9ff as prejudice 6ased 9n relati9n, which I think we can all agree is an awful thing t9 d9. Additi9nally, the fact that y9u are 69th r969ts suggest y9u think r969ts can 9nly date 9ther r969ts, which is a viewp9int that must 6e disc9uraged in 9rder t9 garner true equality 6etween flesh 6eings and r969t 6eings. I theref9re rec9mmend y9u date s9me9ne else instead, t9 av9id these negative c9nn9tati9ns. I w9uld happily fulfil this r9le, if it wasn't f9r my v9w 9f celi6acy possibly preventing a relati9nship with y9u pr9gressing t9 a certain stage. 6ut perhaps an arrangement can 6e reached...?   
RUFIOH: whoa, kankr1... are you ser1ously h1tt1ng on me?   
KANKRI: N9, just suggesting a hyp9thetically mutually 6eneficial scenari9.   
RUFIOH: wow, uh... now's not really the t1me...   
DAVE: hey guess what   
DAVE: gotta go to the load gaper   
DAVE: you lot can carry on without me

Dave dismounts and makes a dash for it. The common room's not far from here. Hopefully he can be safe in there.

He thought the dream bubbles would be fun at first. Now they're just all kinds of awkward.

Well, they can't be staying here much longer...


	22. 10:20, December 2: Karkat Vantas

ALPHA KARKAT: IT'S LIKE MY HATE IS A FINELY TUNED INSTRUMENT, HATING A HOLE IN PARADOX SPACE, ALL THAT BULLSHIT...  
ALPHA KARKAT: BUT IT ONLY WORKS OVER THE INTERNET.  
ALPHA KARKAT: WHEN I'M FACE TO FACE WITH PEOPLE I JUST DON'T SEEM TO HAVE THE NERVE TO DO ANY DECENT HATING. OR INDECENT HATING. JUST ANY HATING, REALLY.  
ALPHA KARKAT: SUDDENLY I'M JUST THIS BIG BALL OF HOT AIR. WITH NO BALLOON TO HOLD IT IN. SO IT JUST GOES IN ALL DIRECTIONS INSTEAD OF TOWARDS WHOEVER I'M TRYING TO HATE, AND I END UP JUST BEING KIND OF PATHETIC.  
GOD TIER KARKAT: SAME HERE, REALLY.  
GOD TIER KARKAT: IF THIS WAS A MEMO, I'D BE YELLING MY ASS OFF AT YOU RIGHT NOW.  
GOD TIER KARKAT: I NEVER HOLD BACK ON HATING MYSELF.  
GOD TIER KARKAT: BUT I GUESS I'M JUST TOO SOFT AND USELESS TO ACTUALLY WANT TO HURT ANYONE ELSE.  
GOD TIER KARKAT: I GUESS THAT INCLUDES YOU, SEEING AS WE'RE DIFFERENT VERSIONS.  
GOD TIER KARKAT: WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME.  
GOD TIER KARKAT: US.  
ALPHA KARKAT: I DON'T KNOW  
ALPHA KARKAT: I THINK I MIGHT BE CLOSER TO A HUMAN THAN A TROLL IN MY THINK PAN  
ALPHA KARKAT: HOW PATHETIC IS THAT????  
GOD TIER KARKAT: I WOULDN'T KNOW.  
GOD TIER KARKAT: EVERYONE KEEPS TALKING ABOUT THEM, BUT I'VE NEVER ACTUALLY MET ONE.  
ALPHA KARKAT: I'D INTRODUCE YOU, BUT WE'RE FUCK DEEP IN TUNNELS RIGHT NOW.  
ALPHA KARKAT: THERE'S THIS ONE GUY  
ALPHA KARKAT: I KINDA LOATHED HIM A LOT FOR A WHILE.  
ALPHA KARKAT: MOSTLY BECAUSE TEREZI'S SO WEIRDLY FIXATED ON HIM, I GUESS?  
GOD TIER KARKAT: ARE YOU STILL PINING OVER TEREZI?  
ALPHA KARKAT: YOU AREN'T?  
GOD TIER KARKAT: I GOT OVER HER. I'M WITH NEPETA NOW.  
ALPHA KARKAT: WOW.  
ALPHA KARKAT: ALTERNATE TIMELINES SURE ARE WEIRD!  
ALPHA KARKAT: ANYWAY  
ALPHA KARKAT: I KINDA GOT THIS IDEA INTO MY HEAD THAT HE COULD BE MY KISMESIS?  
ALPHA KARKAT: I DON'T KNOW HOW  
ALPHA KARKAT: I DON'T EVEN HATE HIM THAT MUCH  
ALPHA KARKAT: JUST WANTED *SOMEONE* IN A QUADRANT. SOMEONE WHO ISN'T GAMZEE.  
GOD TIER KARKAT: YOU'RE IN A QUADRANT WITH GAMZEE??  
ALPHA KARKAT: YES  
ALPHA KARKAT: WE'RE MOIRAILS  
GOD TIER KARKAT: WOW.  
GOD TIER KARKAT: ALTERNATE TIMELINES SURE ARE WEIRD!  
GOD TIER KARKAT: I'M WITH KANAYA PALEWAYS.  
ALPHA KARKAT: THAT WOULDN'T BE SO BAD, ACTUALLY.  
GOD TIER KARKAT: IT'S GREAT!  
ALPHA KARKAT: BUT MY VERSION SPENDS LITERALLY ALL HER TIME WITH HER MATESPRIT.  
GOD TIER KARKAT: WHO'D SHE END UP WITH FOR YOU?  
ALPHA KARKAT: ROSE. HUMAN GIRL. YOU WON'T KNOW HER.  
ALPHA KARKAT: ANYWAY. I KINDA REALLY FUCKED THINGS UP WITH THE HUMAN BOY.  
ALPHA KARKAT: AND IF HE DIDN'T HATE ME BEFORE, AND I WOULD UNDERSTAND IF HE DID, HE REALLY HATES ME NOW.  
ALPHA KARKAT: BUT NOT IN THAT WAY. WHICH IS PROBABLY BEST FOR ME AS WELL AS HIM.  
ALPHA KARKAT: BUT THE THING IS, I COULDN'T EVEN BRING MYSELF TO THROW A DECENT INSULT AT HIM?  
ALPHA KARKAT: I CALLED HIM "SNOOTY"! WHAT THE FUCK?  
ALPHA KARKAT: MOLDY SLICE OF GRUBLOAF PEPPERED WITH POWDERED DOUCHE, YEAH. BUT NOT SNOOTY.  
ALPHA KARKAT: TO TELL THE TRUTH, I THINK WE'D PROBABLY MAKE BETTER FRIENDS THAN ENEMIES? WE'RE BOTH BIG ENOUGH NOOKSNIFFERS.  
ALPHA KARKAT: I DON'T KNOW. I STILL DON'T GET HUMANS.  
GOD TIER KARKAT: YEAH, MAYBE IT'S FOR THE BEST I'VE NEVER MET ANY.  
ALPHA KARKAT: YOU GOT THAT RIGHT. ELEVEN OTHER TROLLS -- NO, TWENTY-THREE OF THEM NOW! -- ARE HARD ENOUGH.

They nod in silence -- a silence which allows the god-tiered Karkat to hear something:

PORRIM: That so+unds like Kanny, practising o+ne o+f his self-righteo+us mo+no+lo+gues.  
GOD TIER KARKAT: (oh my fucking god, she can hear us.)  
ALPHA KARKAT: (who's she?)  
GOD TIER KARKAT: (kanaya's dancestor. and she thinks we sound like our nubslurper of a dancestor!  
ALPHA KARKAT: EXCUSE ME? HOW DARE YOU COMPARE ME TO THAT JUDGEMENTAL ASSHOLE!  
GOD TIER KARKAT: (*what the fuck are you doing*??? way to make a good impression on her!)  
ALPHA KARKAT: (whatever i do, i can't be as bad as our dancestor is. besides, they're coming now. see that glow ahead?)  
GOD TIER KARKAT: (oh for the love of --)  
PORRIM: I go+ fo+r so+ lo+ng witho+ut meeting yo+u, and when I finally do+ it's two+ o+f yo+u at o+nce!  
PORRIM: Ho+w auspicio+us.  
KANAYA: This Is  
KANAYA: Or Rather  
KANAYA: These Are Karkat  
PORRIM: Ah, Kankri's yo+ung pro+digies!  
GOD TIER KARKAT: NO.  
ALPHA KARKAT: FUCK NO.  
GOD TIER KARKAT: HELL.  
ALPHA KARKAT: FUCKING.  
GOD TIER KARKAT: NO.  
PORRIM: Yes, I go+t that impressio+n. Nice to+ see yo+u're still sane.  
PORRIM: Walk with us a while. Let's try and find the way o+ut o+f this place together.  
PORRIM: The mo+re, the merrier!  



End file.
